So Special?
”You are unique. Just like everyone else”.
We all like to believe that we are so special. But are we really?
We all want to be seen, recognised for who we are, acknowledged, appreciated, loved, celebrated. We love to be chosen, whether it is getting picked out of the group to play sports in a team or your crush choosing you over all the other boys or girls in school.
We all want to be liked, making for popular hashtags such as #like #like4like #follow4follow, as we also want to be followed, because we want to show as many people as possible how special (and awesome) we are and our life is.
But at the same time…in today’s day and age…Swipe right, Swipe left…For you, there are 10 others. With over 700 million active monthly users on Instagram, chances are it’s even more than 10 ;-). Aren’t we all replaceable? What makes you so special really?
I know what you’re thinking…life isn’t Tinder (or Grinder or any of the other mating app’s out there)…and of course, not everyone is exactly like you, but there are enough with the same interests, ideals; similar talents, ways and even looks. The same sense of humor, way of talking, walking, fears, dreams, taste in music, fashion, art etc, etc. Is there anything exceptionally unique these days anyway?
Also, did you know you’re actually programmed to think you’re special? It’s called Pseudo-exceptionalism—the unearned conviction that we are exceptional, superior to others because we were born…us.
Consider this, and a simple (maybe a little too simple, but I can see logic behind it), formula by Tim Urban: Happiness = Reality – Expectations.
Most millennials have been raised by constantly being told they are ”special”. I mean, even the losing kids in contests get prizes and trophies these days, right? We receive rewards even without having to actually do something exceptionally better than others, simply because we are our special us and we showed up. Yet we are programmed to constantly compete from a young age, in sports, in beauty competitions, in business and so on…
Given the world we live in, and the fact that life in general isn’t really that easy…I think the harsh reality of life is catching up to many of us…With the automatic conviction that we are entitled to a great life, we end up very unhappy, because we expect things to come a lot easier in life.
A successful life, whether it’s a career or marriage , requires hard work, blood, sweat, tears and not just ”being special” or being entitled to, simply because we believe we are. ”If he/she can have it, so can I”… which could be true, but honestly, you will have to do something for it. Whatever it is you seek, won’t fall from the sky.
We look at the ”perfect”(ly staged) lives of others on Facebook and think the grass is greener, but tend forget that nobody posts about the struggles, the pain, the frustrations. We are programmed to always want (and aim for) the nicer car or the bigger house, without even thinking through whether it would really make us happy or give us actual meaning in life. Thus leading to unhappiness.
All of this made me think….maybe we should (try to) let go of the notion that we are so special? What’s so bad about accepting that we are all replaceable? No matter how talented, skilled, smart, beautiful…there will always be someone, somewhere…just as good (or maybe even better/more beautiful, talented etc.).
But really what’s so bad about that?
No one will ever be you in the completeness of you as a human being. But that will not bring you anything in life on it’s own.
Life is too short to worry about being special. It’s already complicated enough. Just ride the hell out of the rollercoaster, work hard for what you want, make the best of it, enjoy it, and maybe try to leave the world a little bit better than it was before. To me there is enough special in that :-).
”A flower doesn’t think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms”.
Love,
Nadira
P.S. I’m sure you’re really special in the eyes of at least one person in this world. Maybe that’s a bit of a consolation :-).
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
Have It All
The transition…From 30 degrees to temperatures around freezing point…From relaxation to kind of (a little bit) of chaos….From zen by the pool and partying to deadlines, obligations and commitments…From home in Suriname to home in the Netherlands…
I feel tired and stressed, but at the same time happy and excited, because despite the big load of work, it’s all lots of new amazing things happening, new opportunities & projects and growth!
Coming up the next few months from Wulterkens is a new sport collection,a new fashion collection, andddd something bigger, that I can’t tell just yet….Oh and at the moment we are swamped with the SALE, be sure to check out the Wulterkens website.
In Suriname, in the beginning I was going crazy, there was so much work that I couldn’t do, and I wasn’t used to not doing very much. I realized how much of a workaholic I’ve become, I literally had to kick off and take satisfaction out of only 2-3 hours of working a day.
I spent the remainder time mostly at my mom’s home during the day, at my dad’s home during the evenings, really enjoyed the quality time with my parents. Some days I enjoyed catching up with old friends and there were lots of fun parties. But apart from that, I also spent a lot of time thinking…thinking back on the previous year, what did we accomplish, what did we do wrong, which of the things could we have done better; What do we want to accomplish in 2015, what do we have to change in our current ways to be able to accomplish these goals….etc etc.
I’ve also thought a lot about myself, the woman I’ve become, the kind of woman I want to be; thought about my relationships with my partner, family, friends: Who do I want to spend more or less energy on. How will I incorporate more balance in my life….Is it even possible to create a balance when there is mostly chaos? I’m at this point in my life where I want so much, and I want it all at the same time…is it crazy to think that I can have it all?
I think a lot of people might think I am being too hard on myself…But if I don’t do it Now, when will I….I am 25, with the entire world at my feet, no better time than now to give my all, right?
It shouldn’t be so hard living a fullfilling, happy, content life by managing a continuously growing Brand/business with the ultimate goal to leave a mark and become financially free, while within the next 1,5 year obtaining my Masters degree in Marketing at the University, while also traveling and still enjoying quality time with my soulmate & partner, a selected group of friends and family (I don’t even dare to call that a social life)…oh and also while getting in the best shape ever….Nah, not that hard! Another 24 hours a day would surely be helpful, but oh well..I’ll manage. Nobody said it was going to be easy, but I know it’s going to be worth it.
Being able to accomplish all of this in these prime years, will make a good story for later when I’m old and wrinkly on my Yacht somewhere in the Caribbean. But also being able to inspire others, to show them that it is possible, as long as you’re willing to work.
I am extremely grateful that I have both the vision and the opportunities to be able to do so and I know that with the right attitude and belief in combination with working hard it should be a possibility…I guess time will tell…What do you guys think? Is it possible to have it all?
“Shoot for the moon, cause even if you miss, you will land among the stars’’
Love,
Nadira
My outfit is one of my favorite I wore in Suriname, it’s sexy, but chique and even a bit sporty; kind of J.LO inspired. I first decided to wear a nude lip with my hair half up, but halfway during the shoot I felt like spicing it up with a bit more color and a little wilder, loose hair. Which look is your fave?
Details: Pants: Missguided ; Top: Missguided ; Shoes: Missguided, older collection ; Purse: Zara, older collection ; Lipsticks: Hug me by MAC & Chili by MAC
”…But one idea described her best: she was unstoppable and she took anything she wanted with a smile”
