So Special?
”You are unique. Just like everyone else”.
We all like to believe that we are so special. But are we really?
We all want to be seen, recognised for who we are, acknowledged, appreciated, loved, celebrated. We love to be chosen, whether it is getting picked out of the group to play sports in a team or your crush choosing you over all the other boys or girls in school.
We all want to be liked, making for popular hashtags such as #like #like4like #follow4follow, as we also want to be followed, because we want to show as many people as possible how special (and awesome) we are and our life is.
But at the same time…in today’s day and age…Swipe right, Swipe left…For you, there are 10 others. With over 700 million active monthly users on Instagram, chances are it’s even more than 10 ;-). Aren’t we all replaceable? What makes you so special really?
I know what you’re thinking…life isn’t Tinder (or Grinder or any of the other mating app’s out there)…and of course, not everyone is exactly like you, but there are enough with the same interests, ideals; similar talents, ways and even looks. The same sense of humor, way of talking, walking, fears, dreams, taste in music, fashion, art etc, etc. Is there anything exceptionally unique these days anyway?
Also, did you know you’re actually programmed to think you’re special? It’s called Pseudo-exceptionalism—the unearned conviction that we are exceptional, superior to others because we were born…us.
Consider this, and a simple (maybe a little too simple, but I can see logic behind it), formula by Tim Urban: Happiness = Reality – Expectations.
Most millennials have been raised by constantly being told they are ”special”. I mean, even the losing kids in contests get prizes and trophies these days, right? We receive rewards even without having to actually do something exceptionally better than others, simply because we are our special us and we showed up. Yet we are programmed to constantly compete from a young age, in sports, in beauty competitions, in business and so on…
Given the world we live in, and the fact that life in general isn’t really that easy…I think the harsh reality of life is catching up to many of us…With the automatic conviction that we are entitled to a great life, we end up very unhappy, because we expect things to come a lot easier in life.
A successful life, whether it’s a career or marriage , requires hard work, blood, sweat, tears and not just ”being special” or being entitled to, simply because we believe we are. ”If he/she can have it, so can I”… which could be true, but honestly, you will have to do something for it. Whatever it is you seek, won’t fall from the sky.
We look at the ”perfect”(ly staged) lives of others on Facebook and think the grass is greener, but tend forget that nobody posts about the struggles, the pain, the frustrations. We are programmed to always want (and aim for) the nicer car or the bigger house, without even thinking through whether it would really make us happy or give us actual meaning in life. Thus leading to unhappiness.
All of this made me think….maybe we should (try to) let go of the notion that we are so special? What’s so bad about accepting that we are all replaceable? No matter how talented, skilled, smart, beautiful…there will always be someone, somewhere…just as good (or maybe even better/more beautiful, talented etc.).
But really what’s so bad about that?
No one will ever be you in the completeness of you as a human being. But that will not bring you anything in life on it’s own.
Life is too short to worry about being special. It’s already complicated enough. Just ride the hell out of the rollercoaster, work hard for what you want, make the best of it, enjoy it, and maybe try to leave the world a little bit better than it was before. To me there is enough special in that :-).
”A flower doesn’t think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms”.
Love,
Nadira
P.S. I’m sure you’re really special in the eyes of at least one person in this world. Maybe that’s a bit of a consolation :-).
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
As I Began To Love Myself
I believe people come into your life for a reason, and always at the right time. I have several examples of beautiful souls that recently crossed my path just when I needed their influence and wisdom. One of them is a special lady who sent me this poem written by Charlie Chaplin on his 70th birthday. In this phase that I currently find myself in, I recognise so much of this poem that I just had to share it with you.
”As I Began To Love Myself” – Charlie Chaplin
As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.
As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE!
Love yourself!
Nadira
Full photo diary including all ready to shop outfit details below:
Shop my look (Click on the product pictures to go to shop):
Photography by Jesse Verboog.
Sorry, Not Sorry
Have you ever noticed how frequently you use the word sorry? I might secretly be a bit of a perfectionist but do I therefore need to apologize for every little messy detail in my life? I think it’s surely a point to reconsider and to question yourself, ‘am I proclaiming to be an alter ego of how people want to see me?’. Social pressures are taking the lead when it comes to people’s needlessness feeling like they need to apologize for their triumphs.
It’s like we feel obligated to say sorry because we feel like we have to. Out of politeness, respect to others and so on. We should never have to apologize for being normal human beings. Here are 5 things you should no longer apologize for:
1. Being Successful
We tend me be humble when it comes to this matter but I think we can all relate to our ambition, commitment and overwork hours at work. Being successful can intimidate others but hey, believe me when I say that it’s a fabulous thing and no need to say sorry to please anyone or for the benefit of the insecure people around you.
2. Showing our emotions.
It sounds legit yet many of us apologize for how we feel or what we think. However, we should embrace that we have the power to show how we feel and wear our hearts on our sleeves. Never apologize for being vulnerable and telling people what your heart is actually feeling.
3. Our pasts.
Things have happened and mistakes have been made but it doesn’t mean that they define us. All too often, we find ourselves apologizing for the past. It has actually helped us becoming who we are today, we fell – we came back stronger and yes, with a deeper understanding of life – the scars have taught us what we exactly want.
4. Being authentic.
Society has us where it wants us. Media exposures holds an image of how the ‘perfect’ woman (or man) should be – it’s like the unwritten standard we all think we should persist. Truth is, life is too complicated to not be yourself, you need to express yourself and embrace your uniqueness – it is your quality and definitely not something you should apologize for.
5. Always putting ourselves first.
As cliché as it may sound, love starts with yourself – it’s the most important and long-lasting relationship you will ever have. The moment you choose to put someone else before you is the moment you are putting yourself second. Follow your ambitions and love your friends and family, the rest will follow but never apologize for making your own decisions.
Sorry, not sorry…
Love,
Nadira
Keep scrolling! Photo diary continues below including all outfit details. If you click on the product pictures below, you can shop the outfit immediately. Dress & Bag: SheIn. Sandals: Missguided.
Wearing:
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
When Things Don’t Go Your Way
For quite a while I’ve been struggling. Some of you who know me a little bit by now know that I am someone who wants a lot of things, and usually it’s all at the same time. I aspire to do/achieve a lot, which leads to disappointment when things for whatever reason don’t go as planned in my head.
I think we’ve all been there, it can be something such as not getting to where you want to be in a certain amount of time that you’ve planned, or investing a lot into a project that fails. This, depending on how important it is in your life, can really keep you up at night. Many of us, especially those who are dedicated or emotionally involved tend to hang on and persevere, in the hope/belief that it is what’s good for them, and they have to have it no matter what it takes or how long. While I’m all for perseverance, and never giving up…there is a point where you have to take a step back, and evaluate your situation.
While doing so myself…suddenly, it hit me…and man-oh-man am I grateful for the extent of which my eyes have opened for certain things not going my way. I believe everything happens for a reason, and after evaluating several similar situations in my life where I felt that I had to have something, which eventually didn’t go my way…I found that I was better off each and every time.
There is that saying ‘’when one door closes, another one opens’’, and I found it to be very true. Recently, I found myself saying to my partner about a project that fell through that we were bummed about, that ”if it weren’t for that, we wouldn’t be able to take on another one”, which ended up being much more lucrative. While this is in business, I strongly believe the same goes for everything else in life. When you let go of what you ‘’think’’ you want, that is the moment you allow what you truly deserve to enter into your life.
Focus on what happiness, love, and peace feels like, but don’t focus too hard on trying to work out how exactly you will get there. Sometimes we can become so blinded by what is in front of us that it prevents us from seeing what can become FOR us.
There is much more for you to see, experience, and learn. Who you feel you need to be with may not be best for you. The job you feel you just have to have, may not give you that joy and security that you truly want.
Do you want to have a life that is full of joy and peace, or do you want to encounter a string of events that completely turns out the way you wish? Sometimes they go hand in hand, but other times you must sacrifice one for another.
A close friend of mine recently told me: ‘’Don’t be afraid to let go because of the fear that you will never experience something so special again’’. Because one way or the other you will, it just might come in a different shape than you expect.
There is a difference between visualizing your ideal reality and visualizing your heart’s’ desire. In an ideal reality you may marry that celebrity crush but feel unloved. Move into that great big house, yet feel empty. Our acquisitions feed off visualization and focus, our spiritual growth, however, feeds on positive emotion.
What are you still holding onto today that you feel you cannot live without or let go? Life is constantly changing, we are constantly changing, so sometimes it’s better to let go and embrace new possibilities and opportunities. Do not forget that all that you need is within you…and while I type this, it’s a big note to myself, because I honestly tend to forget that sometimes.
When a door closes knock on it a few times. But if it still doesn’t open, let it stay close. In career, in love, in life. When you see the period at the end of the sentence, don’t try to turn it into a comma. Know when something is over, and move on to whatever better is waiting.
Love,
Nadira
Outfitdetails: Dress, Coat & Shoes: Missguided. Lipcolor: Candy K by Kyliecosmetics.
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
Manipulate Your Own Mind
Starting From Small, It Becomes Big – The trick to manipulate your own mind.
One thing I’ve learned up to this point in life is that the mind has a memory. And it’s damn smart; it “subconsciously” recognizes patterns. Once the patterns become a habit, it’s hard to stop. It requires extra mental strength to break the habit. This is why it’s so difficult to stop doing something that you are used to doing, like smoking or becoming a morning person. At the same time, it offers the opportunity to create better habits for life, given that you are aware of this and have the mental power to pursue an activity long enough for your mind to make it a recognizable pattern.
“Starting from small, it becomes big.”
Starting with white lies, repeatedly, you become a compulsive liar.
Starting with shoplifting a candy bar, repeatedly, you become a thief.
At the same time…
Starting with exercising at least 3 times a week, repeatedly, you become fit.
Starting with eating healthy everyday, repeatedly, you become well and healthy.
Starting with walking with your back straight, repeatedly, you have an elegant posture.
Starting with smiling and being positive, you become a happy person to be around inside and out and attract people with the same energy to you.
Starting with giving unused clothes and loose change to the homeless, repeatedly, you become empathetic and giving.
Starting with sharing things with others, repeatedly, you become generous.
Starting with only doing things that align with your core values, repeatedly, you are a person of meaningful values.
Starting with reading, repeatedly, you become addicted to learning.
Starting with making sure you get what you need done for the day, repeatedly, you are always on top of everything.
Starting with being focused, each task at a time, repeatedly, you can easily get into the flow and be productive.
Starting with thinking outside the box, repeatedly, you become extremely creative.
Starting with getting out of your comfort zone, repeatedly, you become confident and fearless.
And so on…
Conclusion:
Starting with telling yourself what you want to achieve in life, repeatedly, you will get there.
Starting with just getting it started, repeatedly, anything you want to be and do, you can be and do.
So instead of thinking ‘’It’s too hard to stop or change’’ or ‘’I don’t know where to start’’, just start, and go step by step, day by day. Self-Mastery comes with consistency or as the great Aristotle once said ‘’We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.’’
Love,
Nadira
P.S. Pictures taken on a lovely day out in Haarlem, the Netherlands. Such a lovely city.
Outfit details: Sweater: H&M, Pants: Missguided, Heels: Mango, Sunglasses: ZeroUv, Lips: Dolce K by Kyliecosmetics.
Raise Your Standards
The Master, The Fighter & The Moonwalker
It’s February 1, 2016 and I honestly feel like I haven’t properly started 2016…at least not the way I wanted to. Having spent half of the month of January in my home country Suriname, I was out of my usual working environment. When I arrived in the Netherlands, I really needed some time to get back out of vacation mode into a normal routine, with a serious case of Jet lag hitting me combined with a stubborn flu, from which I’m still recovering two weeks later.
Right before I left for Suriname for the holidays I felt so overwhelmed by everything I was doing that I knew I was close to suffering from a burn out. For a long time I suffered from writer’s block and lack of inspiration, just because I was trying to accomplish too many things at the same time (which is also why you haven’t heard from me for quite a while). I’m not the most creative person, but I found myself completely lacking creativity. It felt like I lost my Mojo.
Suriname, which still feels like home, was good to me, as it always is. The (too little) time spent relaxing, swimming, sleeping, taking walks in nature has done me good, yet still when I came back to the Netherlands, I didn’t feel ready to handle the chaos again. I still don’t feel completely ready, but I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
2016 is going to be an interesting year, at the least. It’s the year I’ll be graduating from the University with a Master’s degree in Marketing. It’s the year I will officially launch my third business Madame Selfmade, which I will tell you guys more about soon (for real this time). It’s also the year I’ll bring my other 2 businesses Customized Wear and Wulterkens to a higher level. With a completely newly furnished office, and an entire new look and feel of my Sport, Fashion & Lifestyle brand Wulterkens, it has become both exciting and challenging to bring it to the next level.
2016 is the year of ‘’Raising Standards’’.
I hope to find my balance of being the workaholic my 3 businesses + thesis require me to be, with exploring meditation and boxing. Quite a combination, I know! I’m already working on becoming more skilled in Boxing, as I found it’s the perfect workout for me to blow off steam, and it’s most definitely the best way to get/stay in a killer shape. Meditation appears to be more similar to boxing than I thought, as it is more of a ”fight” than anything else now. Luckily, I have the best guidance for both boxing and meditation. Another goal of mine this year is to learn the Moonwalk! (the people who know me closely are probably laughing out really loud right know, but it’s just soooo friggin’ cool, so I’mma do it!).
Raising standards (with everything) & Be even more Badass than before….Sounds like a plan right?
As you can tell from my goals and responsibilities, it’s easy for me to become overwhelmed and burnt out. I’ve given it a lot of thought, but for me, doing less is simply not an option at the moment. I’ve always been a multitasker, but one thing I’m working on now, is really taking things step by step. With a lot of focus on each step/task, and not thinking about the other steps/tasks until I’ve completed the first. This focus helps me with completing the tasks at hand with success, without becoming stressed with all the other things I have to do. So I write down everything I have to do, I prioritise them according the level of importance or urgency, and then I just focus on doing whatever needs to be done first. One thing at a time, and so on…
While this seems logical and easy, it’s really not if your head is all over the place, and you think you can do 4 things at the same time and still be efficient. This was probably the reason I was close to a burn out 2 months ago, so I’m hoping that by mastering this ”step by step, one thing at a time- technique”, I will be able to handle things better with less stress, be more efficient and productive.
I would love to hear about your resolutions and how they are going so far. Or maybe you are starting along with me today, February first? Remember, you can start (over) at any time, you don’t need to wait another year. All you need is a new dawn and a new day!
I had to really discipline myself the past 2 weeks to get into it, and so far, so good. Still have a long way to go, but nobody ever said it was going to be easy. If it was easy, everyone would do it! ;-). Oh…and if you happen to know any other handy tactics on dealing with the above, please share!
Love,
Nadira
P.S. As some of you might know, I am a fan of simplicity, and there is nothing more intriguing than a woman in a simple, little black dress. The one I’m wearing is called MARA, exclusively available at one of my favorite Dutch online shops www.jurkjes.com.
Heels & Clutch: Zara. Necklace Tattoo: www.chiquetattoos.nl. Earrings: H&M.
Lipstick: A mix of Chili by MAC Cosmetics & 85722 by Contem1g Make up.
Location: Hotel Royal Torarica, Paramaribo, Suriname.
When on vacation in my beautiful home country Suriname, I would definitely recommend The Torarica Group of Hotels, if you find luxury and comfort a must. I had the privilege to shoot in the Royal botanical garden, with peaceful and impressive Buddha, ponds with mini waterfalls and local Tropical fishes, the saltwater swimming pool, Gazebo’s, a unique giant chess board and the Mangrove forest along the Suriname River.
Big thank you to Royal Torarica for the hospitality!
Photography by Surej Tul, special thank you! Copyrights: Nadira R. Ramautarsing.
You’re More Successful Than You Think: 15 Signs
For the past few days I’ve been reflecting on the concept of success, and from personal experience, especially when you hold high standards for yourself (like I do), it can sometimes feel like you’re a bit of a failure. Usually we tend to focus on the big picture, which takes (loads of) time to achieve, and we forget the ‘’little things’’ that make us grow better. Under the veil of ‘’The only time you should look back, is to see how far you’ve come’’, and ”It’s not about the destination, but the journey”, I’ve come up with 15 signs of success that we tend to forget to recognize in the process of getting where we want to be.
- You have raised your standards.
You don’t tolerate certain negative behavior anymore, from others, but also from yourself. You believe in accountability and taking responsibility for actions. You spend your time wisely with only those who add value, instead of those who steal your energy and fill your life with pointless drama.
- You are aware that failure and setbacks are part of life and growth.
Nobody has success 100% of the time, life is not a Disney story ( and even Disney stories depict setbacks!).
Life is about victories and losses (ying & yang). Every setback can be a stepping stone to something better, if you choose to look at and handle it that way. But really there is no such thing as a setback. It’s all just part a fun rollercoaster journey.
- You accept what you can’t change.
Our power only reaches to a certain degree in many cases, especially when you are dependent on external factors. If you can’t change it, change the way you look at it. If you can change your negative perspective on situations to a positive one, then you are successful.
- You change what you can.
On the same note, there are many things we do have control over. Successful people don’t sit around accepting the negatives that are changeable. They get out there and do something about it!
5. You let go of things that don’t make you feel good.
Self-love is success. Love yourself enough to say ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t serve your purpose, or drags you down. It’s not narcissistic or egoistic, because if you don’t choose you, no one will.
- You have learned to appreciate who you see in the mirror.
Love yourself. You are awesome.
- You know ‘’your people’’ who would do anything for you.
You know exactly who really has your back and who only pretends that they do. It’s a painful realization and process, but once you learn to see the signs, you can stay away from those people.
- You’re grateful
Because you know you’re blessed. Even though life is not perfect, there is always plenty to be thankful for.
- You applaud for others’ successes.
You know what it takes to create success, and you admire others for reaching it. When others succeed, it doesn’t mean you fail. You applaud the people who rise to the top. The more positive energy you give to other people’s victories, the more you will create your own.
- You have passions & goals that you pursue.
You have unique gifts and talents. You know you have something wonderful to contribute to the world. Not only do you know it, you pursue it. It’s this excitement of something to look forward to, that drives you.
- You refuse to be a victim.
You know that life doesn’t always happen to you. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. No matter what happens, rise up and conquer anyway.
- You don’t care what other people think.
You can’t please everyone, and you know it. You know that the standards with which society judges people is unrealistic. So you just keep true to yourself and love the person you are.
- You love deeply and open yourself up to be loved by others.
Love is risky, and sometimes scary, because there is always the risk of rejection or getting hurt. If you open your heart enough to love and be loved, then you are successful.
- You always look on the bright side.
It’s all about the perspective you choose. Life can be full of disappointments –Or, learning opportunities. No negative experience is ever wasted as long as you learn from it.
- You are happy.
To me, pure happiness with what is, is the ultimate definition of success. It doesn’t matter what the balance is in your bank account, how big your house is, or how many fancy vacations you take. If you are happy, then you are successful in life.
I hope you can recognize a lot of these signs and that this will give you a little motivation boost to keep at it. Don’t worry if you find yourself not at the above mentioned points yet, because it’s always a process, take your time, just keep moving forward.
Keep growing and learning!
Lots of love,
Nadira
Outfitdetails: Straight Outta Gym Tshirt by Wulterkens. Blazer & Boots from Zara, Hat from Missguided, Skirt from Nasty Gal.
P.S. There is a big giveaway coming up soon. To prevent missing out, sign up on the blog, you will automatically receive an email when the giveaway is available.
The Unfair & The Precious
The past 2 weeks have been like a crazy, emotional rollercoaster. From celebrating that selected items of the Wulterkens Fitness Collection are available at Intersport DUO, to mourning the loss of a very close friend, almost family of ours.
It makes me realize that I am more alive than ever, so deeply experiencing these highs and lows. More so it makes me appreciate life more than ever. Like a slap in the face, the realization that it all can be over, just like that, and you have no control whatsoever. It doesn’t matter who we are, what we do, how many followers we have on Instagram and how much money in our bank account. Scary isn’t it?
The Priest in the church at the farewell ceremony said it beautifully: ‘’The only thing we are guaranteed from the first moment we breathe in life, is Death’’.
It’s exactly a week ago, June 2nd, since I turned 26; needless to say it wasn’t much of a celebration. The day itself flew by really fast, because I had my Digital Marketing exam (part of my part-time Master’s program at the University), and of course, due to everything (emotions, loads of work), I still had a lot of last minute studying to do.
I did however, take that night, and the days after, as days of reflection. Reflecting on life, which suddenly seemed more precious than normal. I was overwhelmed by all the sweet birthday wishes from family, friends, (business) acquaintances and even strangers. I am extremely grateful for all the love and everything in this life.
I took a step back and realized that, I’m not where I want to be in life yet, though I know I am on the right path towards this, and I am getting closer every day, step by step.
However, if somehow, it is decided that my time on this earth is over, I will be more than satisfied looking back on life. Of course, there is still so much I would want to have accomplished, and yes, I would have wanted to see more of this beautiful world. But I’ve been privileged, in so many ways. Maybe you guys think it’s creepy that I think this way, and believe me, I have absolutely no intention of leaving anytime soon, but I do think that it’s important to reflect on things, because it does effect the way you move forward in life.
We, as a society are automatically pressured into always wanting and needing more. More money, more cars, bigger boats, more convenience, more luxury. And in the end, we’ve spent all our precious time chasing all this, and when we’re gone, well, we don’t take any of it with us (as far as I know).
It’s never going to be enough anyway, everytime you’ve reached a milestone, it’s likely you’re already busy with achieving another one, because we’re always growing and wanting more.
So for myself, I’ve decided that I want to hold on to this ‘’freedom’’. Being able to be satisfied with the little things, the amazingly loving people around me, every sunset and sunrise, being alive, and healthy. And the rest…is extra!
Don’t get me wrong, I will still be working hard to achieve my goals, but I will give myself more of a break once in a while. There will always be more important things, because we set such high expectations for ourselves (atleast, I do). However, let’s say it would be your last day on this earth. My bet is that suddenly, the things that we are always so busy with, and are so important, aren’t even close to important anymore. You have to ask yourself, what would be important on that day? And I think that whatever that is, should be the focus moving forward.
The sudden and unfair loss of someone so young, full of life and love, just puts these things into perspective.
Life is unbelievably precious, spend it wisely!
Love,
Nadira
We went to the beautiful city centre of Utrecht and discovered some gorgeous, rare spots, most would not guess to be Utrecht, in the Netherlands. I’ve been wanting to do an ‘’All White Everything’’-look for some time now. I was wearing my sneakers for convenience and the plan was to finally do a shoot with my beautiful Giuseppe Zanotti X Kanye West ‘’Cruel Summer’’ Heels, I got some time ago (2013) and are more like a trophy in my closet. They are gorgeous, but not very comfortable to walk in, especially not in the city centre of Utrecht haha. So it turned into two different looks, sporty and chique. Which one is your favorite?
Outfitdetails: Dress: ASOS, Sandals: Giuseppe Zanotti X Kanye West: Cruel Summer, Sneakers: Nike, Necklace: Swarovski, Metallic Tattoos: Chique Tattoos; get 10% off with code NADIRA on www.chiquetattoos.nl
”And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years” – Abraham Lincoln
”At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets” – Steve Maraboli
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
12 Ways To Feel GREAT In Today’s Pressure Society.
Something we all want, to feel good…to feel great! If you are reading this, the chance is you are in possession of a computer, smartphone or tablet, you have a roof above your head and food on your plate. Hopefully you are healthy and that would mean you have everything you need to feel great, because your are blessed.
Yet in this society we keep on being pushed and pulled to have the need for more in order to feel great. We think we need to have more, do better, work harder, look better. We are never really content. It’s a giant form of peer pressure, that I am experiencing as well, to look a certain way and accomplish certain things, because it is expected. I do realize, that usually I’m my worst critic, so I’m the one putting pressure on myself. And I find myself in this rush and extreme need of being better (inside, outside, you name it, just better).
As much as this can be a good thing, because it keeps you sharp, and keeps you evolving and growing as a person, it can make you feel really insecure and just not great in general. Why? Because you are not ‘’there’’ yet. And in your mind, where you are now, isn’t good enough.
I’ve thought about this a lot, to find a way to deal with it and came up with 12 ways to feel great, while in the constant process of evolving.
- Remember you will always be a ‘’Work in Progress’’
We will always be a work in progress. We will never be ‘’there’’, we will never be perfect, because even if we would be, our head would be telling us that we still need this, and that to be perfect. (Let’s assume for this statement that perfection is even possible). A recent example: When I started with Fitness I had this picture in my mind of how I wanted to look. This mental picture kept me going, yet when I reached it, I didn’t even realize it. In my head this picture had gradually evolved, making me think that I wasn’t there yet. Most of the time, we are our own worst critics. When you accept that even when you’re old and wrinkly, you will still have so many things you would want to do better; you will feel so much more relaxed and confident about the progress you make, because it’s not something finite, there is no end to it, and anything is possible. - Find balance between working on yourself and loving the way you are now
Change is great, growth is essential. Yet we have to stop thinking ‘’when I look like that, I will be happy’’ or ‘’only when I achieve that, I will be worthy’’.
Start loving yourself for the person you are now, even if you’re not the person you want to be yet. Identify the wonderful things about yourself, certain traits, abilities, achievements, things you love about the way you look . Despite the fact that you would want to improve, you are still a lovely, beautiful person with qualities. So embrace that, and keep on reminding yourself of these things while you are working on yourself.
- Stop Comparing
In today’s society, we get overrun by success stories, pictures and videos of others around the world. It’s not only the celebrities and magazine covers anymore, but technology has made it possible to follow the lives of many others. This makes it even easier to constantly compare yourself to others. You think you know their life, and you would love to have what they have; to do what they do.
First, let me tell you, everyone only shows off the great things in their lives, not their struggles along the way. Second, STOP, just stop! It’s good to look up to people and try to find out the strategies they use to get where they are. But everything beyond that is not healthy. You only have part of the story, and most of the time, thing just aren’t what they seem.
An example: Instagram is being taken over by the fitness hype, which is great because it encourages a lot of people to work out. But I see too many ladies around me obsessing with having abs, booties and muscles and having/wanting to look a certain way, that is in some cases not even possible to achieve naturally and they starve themselves for it, because they just don’t know the right way to achieve this. I will write more about this soon, but the message is to just stop comparing, because it does more harm than good. Count your blessings and focus on yourself, your own progress. The more energy you put into yourself, the more you will get out of it, and the greater you will feel. - Do more YOU
Invest in yourself, whether it is by taking some me-time and just take a long bath, or a vacation. There are endless possibilities for this, depending on your personality. You can go from reading a book, taking up a certain hobby or activity, to taking an extra course or workshop in the area you want to excel in. As long as you do something for you, that you enjoy and know is good for you.
- Don’t wait for other’s approval/applause
This one is a hard one, for me at least. You know those people who always say, I don’t care what anyone thinks? Well I am one of them. Only I do care (to certain extent). I’m still working on finding out why approval of others is so important to most of us, even if we might not want to admit it. But when we accomplish something cool, we do like it when people around us acknowledge this. If you ask me, that’s the basic foundation of social media. Sharing the good things, the accomplishments, all in exchange for a ‘’like’’.
I cannot tell you how to get rid of this need for approval, because I am still working on it myself. I can, however, tell you how I deal with it. I’ve decided to value my own approval more than that of others. In the end we know ourselves better than anyone else does. We can be the best judge of ourselves, and we know how we’ve struggled and when we’ve stepped out of our comfort zone to achieve something. Therefore, applaud yourself, when you’ve achieved whatever it is you wanted to. If others do so as well, it’s a nice extra, but having that inner approval is so much more valuable and should be the most important. - Celebrate victories, even the smallest ones!
Since we are talking about victories, I have found that celebrating them, no matter how small, really feels great. Even though it might be just a small step, it is a step in the right direction that you haven’t made before, and it might have required some to a lot of effort, so it is worth celebrating. It’s also motivating to get to the next step, and the next, and so on.
- Know your strengths and develop them
We are all good at something, some of us have excellent communication skills, others can persuade very well and others can juggle or draw or dance really well. Whatever it is, it is likely that you enjoy doing these things, because you have a talent for it, and it feels rewarding. Even if you might not be able to make a living out of everything, I would encourage you to invest time into these strengths. It will make you feel great about yourself, because you’re great at it and you will get better and better. - Set Goals and most important Stick to them
Setting goals is easy. Sticking to them, well that’s another story. It’s not always easy, especially if the goal requires controversial change in your daily life or just lots of effort and time. Yet there is no worse feeling than regret of not having pursued the steps to achieve your goals. You’re always going to be busy, it will never be a perfect time, but just do it. Focus and go. You will feel great by putting it in the works, sticking to the plan, because the closer you get, the better the feeling. I personally love the feeling of checking that box next to the task on my to do list.
- Do good (for others).
Last Sunday, we had the privilege to receive a special 9 year old boy with severe diabetes at the Wulterkens Clothing office. In collaboration with the Make A Wish Foundation, we made it a really special day for him. He arrived in style, in a beautiful white limo, and got to create his very own design sport t-shirts with us. There were balloons, cake, and we had his family come along with him. Afterwards he went to the Ajax Stadium in Amsterdam to watch a soccer game and he got to stand on the side lines and see everything up close. There was no better feeling and I am extremely grateful for this experience. Just to see the smile on his face. Anyway, do good, because it feels great to give. Even if it’s just something small, as long as you give back. - Realize that everyone else around you has Insecurities.
For some reason, when we know that others share the same struggle, we find some sort of peace with it. There is something in the collective that soothes us, as long as we are not the only one, right? Well in this case, this might make you feel better. Remember that all of us, even the greatest, have insecurities, struggles, pain, issues etc. That’s life, and we’re only human. So whenever you feel insecure, just know that you are not the only one and it doesn’t have to be a limitation, unless you make it one.
I don’t know if this is a direct incentive to feel great, but it does put things in perspective and makes you embrace life, the way it is, even if it’s not easy. If you think about the fact that even Beyonce has her insecurities, yet she is the amazing artist that she is, you know that you can be that amazing version of yourself as well, despite your insecurities.
- The power of thought
As I’ve mentioned before, we are our own worst critics. Try to understand and remind yourself that you and the way you decide to see and think about things create your reality. If you’re being too hard on yourself, you are the one making it difficult and making yourself unhappy. If you hold yourself to unrealistic standards, it’s you and your thoughts that make you feel insecure (not anyone else).
At the same time, you have the power to create another reality, one that makes you happier, more motivated, more positively driven and more acknowledged of the small steps of progress you make. Remember all limitations are self-imposed, by thoughts and fears that are created in our own mind and we choose to listen to them or not. - Count your blessings, Be Grateful & Smile.
It’s cliché, but do it. Every day, when you wake up, count your blessings, thank for them & smile. It’s going to be a good day. There is always something to be thankful for, and acknowledging this can make you feel great. Life is all about the little things anyway. Learn to appreciate them. No matter where you are, it can always be worse. And if you hit rock bottom, you can only go up. Be grateful for the fact that you are alive and able to pursue your dreams. An attitude of gratitude will get you far.
Be great, feel great. Remember: Happiness is not a destination, it’s the journey.
Love,
Nadira
Outfitdetails:
Boots: Zara || Dress, Hat & Coat: Missguided || Bag: River Island || Bracelet: Hermes Collier de Chien.
Change
Change…As inevitable as it is, some fear it, some love it. I prefer to embrace it, because change is given.
Nothing in this world is free from change, everything is subject to a form of change or at the least a perception of change.
Change for me often comes with novelty and freshness, in the form of new beginnings and challenges. Even when I was younger, I would, at least twice a year, change the interior of my room. I would move the bed to another wall, and my desk to the other, facing a different angle. I would stay up all night cleaning out my closets, and organizing documents, books etc. Feeling new, fresh and relaxed afterwards. I’ve always had this longing for change after a certain period of time.
At the moment everything is changing, luckily for the better. I can finally announce that we are moving to a new, much bigger office for both of our companies. A separate Showroom for our Sports & Casual Brand Wulterkens & special Production area for Customized Wear.
At the same time, we are working on the launch of part 1 of the new Wulterkens’ fashionable sports collection. To say that it’s a crazy busy time is an understatement, but we are starting a new chapter. A new beginning where our businesses are taken to a higher level, something we’ve been working on for a long time now. I am super happy, grateful and excited!
One thing I have clearly noticed is: A change in Focus = A change in lifestyle. You get what you focus on, so the smart thing would be to focus on what you want. If you want things to change for the better, you have to do and be everything that will make it better. In line with the law of attraction, I’ve experienced that what you focus your energy on, you will attract and create as a reality, whether it’s doing something physical or just a thought.
From this perspective, change is beautiful and infinite. I just love something about the fact that at any point in life, we can choose to change ourselves and our situation; the fact that we always have the choice to start fresh and create, whatever comes after, to our ‘’ideal’’. It does however, require balls (courage), a lot of hard work, dedication and perseverance, since change usually doesn’t come overnight. It often requires breaking out of your comfort zone and doing less fun things. Fact is, if we really want it, we can change ourselves…our mindset, our actions, our bodies etc.
Of course we cannot always change anything and everything. One thing a lot of people do is to try to change others, which is something that rarely happens unless that significant person wants to change themselves. Sometimes you cannot change a certain complex situation. One of my favorite quotes from my Mom in this case is: ‘’If you can change it, then do so. If you can’t change it, then accept it and change your perception of it’’. Pretty similar to Maya Angelou’s quote: ‘’If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change your attitude’’. Relativity is key here; always choose to look on the bright side of things, which helps focus more positive energy on to your goals.
From this perspective, change = growth and taking control/responsibility/action. Not leaving your life to what may or will be, but actively contributing in creating a life you want. Just like Steve Maraboli’s advice: ‘’Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” or like Rumi’s advice: “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
And one of my absolute favorites, which has become sort of a motto to me: ‘’Edit your life, frequently and ruthlessly, it’s your Masterpiece, after all’’.
Love,
Nadira
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” – Barack Obama
Outfitdetails: Dress: Missguided. Shoes: Aerosol. Sunglasses: Nastygal. Bracelet: Hermes Collier de Chien.
P.S.
these pictures are taken at a remarkable, historical location in my hometown Paramaribo, Suriname: Fort Zeelandia. Now partly a Museum, it has actually marked certain points of change in Surinamese history several times. Dark pages of history, unfortunately, from which too little people have learned. Those that know the history will know what I mean, but I will not elaborate on the subject. Despite the fact that I have very clear opinions regarding Politics, I’ve decided not to disclose on them in my blogs, keep it light.
P.S. 2
A few of my lovely readers asked me where I find the time in between the chaos to write. Well, most of the time I write concepts, when ideas come to my mind or before I go to sleep in bed. That way, all I have to do is structure it, check on spelling errors, add a few things and voila! Most of this post was written over the past 3 months.
My pictures are usually taken on the go to somewhere, so it’s little extra effort and can be planned in between my usual to do’s. Sometimes it’s hard to find a nice location though, so this does require a little bit of planning if you want to give your outfit a little more edge by matching it into an appropriate surrounding.