So Special?
”You are unique. Just like everyone else”.
We all like to believe that we are so special. But are we really?
We all want to be seen, recognised for who we are, acknowledged, appreciated, loved, celebrated. We love to be chosen, whether it is getting picked out of the group to play sports in a team or your crush choosing you over all the other boys or girls in school.
We all want to be liked, making for popular hashtags such as #like #like4like #follow4follow, as we also want to be followed, because we want to show as many people as possible how special (and awesome) we are and our life is.
But at the same time…in today’s day and age…Swipe right, Swipe left…For you, there are 10 others. With over 700 million active monthly users on Instagram, chances are it’s even more than 10 ;-). Aren’t we all replaceable? What makes you so special really?
I know what you’re thinking…life isn’t Tinder (or Grinder or any of the other mating app’s out there)…and of course, not everyone is exactly like you, but there are enough with the same interests, ideals; similar talents, ways and even looks. The same sense of humor, way of talking, walking, fears, dreams, taste in music, fashion, art etc, etc. Is there anything exceptionally unique these days anyway?
Also, did you know you’re actually programmed to think you’re special? It’s called Pseudo-exceptionalism—the unearned conviction that we are exceptional, superior to others because we were born…us.
Consider this, and a simple (maybe a little too simple, but I can see logic behind it), formula by Tim Urban: Happiness = Reality – Expectations.
Most millennials have been raised by constantly being told they are ”special”. I mean, even the losing kids in contests get prizes and trophies these days, right? We receive rewards even without having to actually do something exceptionally better than others, simply because we are our special us and we showed up. Yet we are programmed to constantly compete from a young age, in sports, in beauty competitions, in business and so on…
Given the world we live in, and the fact that life in general isn’t really that easy…I think the harsh reality of life is catching up to many of us…With the automatic conviction that we are entitled to a great life, we end up very unhappy, because we expect things to come a lot easier in life.
A successful life, whether it’s a career or marriage , requires hard work, blood, sweat, tears and not just ”being special” or being entitled to, simply because we believe we are. ”If he/she can have it, so can I”… which could be true, but honestly, you will have to do something for it. Whatever it is you seek, won’t fall from the sky.
We look at the ”perfect”(ly staged) lives of others on Facebook and think the grass is greener, but tend forget that nobody posts about the struggles, the pain, the frustrations. We are programmed to always want (and aim for) the nicer car or the bigger house, without even thinking through whether it would really make us happy or give us actual meaning in life. Thus leading to unhappiness.
All of this made me think….maybe we should (try to) let go of the notion that we are so special? What’s so bad about accepting that we are all replaceable? No matter how talented, skilled, smart, beautiful…there will always be someone, somewhere…just as good (or maybe even better/more beautiful, talented etc.).
But really what’s so bad about that?
No one will ever be you in the completeness of you as a human being. But that will not bring you anything in life on it’s own.
Life is too short to worry about being special. It’s already complicated enough. Just ride the hell out of the rollercoaster, work hard for what you want, make the best of it, enjoy it, and maybe try to leave the world a little bit better than it was before. To me there is enough special in that :-).
”A flower doesn’t think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms”.
Love,
Nadira
P.S. I’m sure you’re really special in the eyes of at least one person in this world. Maybe that’s a bit of a consolation :-).
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
5 Realisations That Make Life Easier
All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.
I talk a lot about change in my previous posts: The Unknown, Change, You Have To Do The Hard Things, Nothing Changes Until You Do and more…
But in this post, I want to emphasise Growth. It’s part of our natural process, but I found that consciously acknowledging and reflecting back on growth, brings a lot of valuable insights and wisdom saving you a lot when dealing with life in the future.
As you are (consciously) shifting, you will begin to realise that you are not the same person you used to be. The things you used to tolerate have become intolerable. When you once remained quiet, you are now speaking your truth. Where you once battled and argued, you are now choosing to remain silent. You are beginning to understand the value of your voice and there are some situations that no longer deserve your time, energy, and focus.
Some things I’ve learned through evaluating my own growth:
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There is only one really good life…that’s the life you know you want….and you make it yourself…
Though it’s never really one vision, and it’s subject to change as our needs change through different phases of our live. A simple and funny example of this is looking back at our 7-year old self who (probably) didn’t want to eat vegetables and didn’t like an early bed-time; whereas for me 20 years later – I crave healthy food (and miss my mom preparing it for me), and I have a very exclusive love relationship with my bed, which my partner is very envious of 😀 . The same principle goes for everything. What used to be your vision of life, doesn’t have to be the same over time, but regardless of this vision changing, you’re still the pilot on your own flight. -
In any given moment we have two options: To step forward into growth or to step back into safety.
The first often scary and uncomfortable, but always with great rewards (exciting next-level changes and opportunities); the latter being easy but non-satisfying, as there’s always that little voice inside that will keep nagging you for not taking that step forward, since you are clearly not happy where you’re standing. Also, there will always be the question ”what if..?”. Realising this saves you a lot of time when pondering on whether or not to take certain steps in the future. -
You start dying slowly when you become a slave to your habits, walking everyday on the same paths, if you do not change your routine. Especially when you are not satisfied with your love-life, your job or surroundings and you choose not to change your life.
I know so many people, who choose to be a victim of their surroundings, and they are so unhappy, all the while there is a lot they can change. Even if it’s just step by step starting with ”100 little, easy to change, but make all the difference” things. -
You become a master of your life when you learn how to control where your attention goes. Value what you give your time and energy to.
Choose your battles. As easy as it is to give in to so many triggers around us, stop and ask yourself ”what will pursuing this bring me?”. It’s a simple principle. Everything you give time and energy to grows, so you decide by directing your attention what your life looks like. Knowing this…and applying it everyday, is power. -
You are under no obligation to be the same person you were a year, a month or even 15 minutes ago. You have to right to grow. No apologies.
We are products of our pasts, but that doesn’t mean we have to be prisoners of it. Don’t let anything limit you into changing your thinking, attitude or anything else that you know and feel will bring you to a better place in life.
And don’t forget this…
” You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work-in-progress at the same time”.
I’ve said this before, but I emphasise it again…One doesn’t exclude the other as we never stop being a work-in-progress until our passing. So love yourself and all that you are in every phase. Embrace even the broken and ugly pieces, as they are triggers for you to actually take those steps to a better you and a better life. Besides; perfection is overrated, your flaws make you a masterpiece and your tragedies make your story one worth telling.
Love,
Nadira
I love this picture below, as it describes me perfectly stumbling and balancing my way through the whirlwind called Life. Outfit details: ”Red Rose”. Photography: Fons de Keijzer
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
New Beginnings & Perfect Endings
That moment…when you just got off the rollercoaster ride…pumped with adrenaline, slightly nauseous, overwhelmed, kinda tired, but you are ready to go for another ride!
Most of you who follow me on my social media know that on December 1st, I opened my very first physical store: The Wulterkens Customized Wear Store in the Gooische Brink Passage, Hilversum!
Needless to say the past few months have been unbelievably hectic and crazy. We received the keys to the store on November 7th, and we had our grand opening on December 1st, so in 24 days, we built up the entire store. Let’s just say…the next time someone says they are ”busy”, because they have a few things going on, I’m willing to give them the ”batman meme” slap.
I’ve managed to get things done that I never thought I could. Tackling one challenge at a time, constant problem solving, a lot of sweat, some tears as well…In those 3 weeks, I’ve learned so much, I feel like a completely different person and it was all so worth it. I will get into some lessons learned (there have been a lot) in future posts.
2016 has taken a completely unexpected turn for us, amazing opportunities came onto our path, which we literally grabbed with both hands and along with the help of so many loving friends and beautiful souls around us, we couldn’t be more grateful. For an impression, you can find the after movie of the grand opening of the Wulterkens Store below.
We’ve also moved to a great apartment in Hilversum, so we’re settling into our new home. In retrospect, 2016, was an amazing year. We’ve taken our businesses Wulterkens and Customized Wear to a whole other level, bringing them together to the consumer in the Wulterkens Store. We’ve launched a new t-shirt brand King Of Rebels. I can finally call myself Nadira Ramautarsing, MSc. Marketing! Looking back to my first post this year, Raise Your Standards, I’ve accomplished most of my goals. I am fit, healthy, taking things to the next level, focussing, prioritising, back on track. Yes! Madame Selfmade has been put on hold for a little while, because while I am superwoman, there are some limits to my powers, such as the 24 hours I only have a day, but stay tuned! Mastering the moonwalk is something I will pick up in 2017 as well ;-).
There is this saying that ”every next level of life demands another version of you”. It took me a while to evolve (read more in The Unknown), but I look back in gratitude, and I am so excited for what 2017 will bring.
I wish you all beautiful holidays, with loving people and great food!
Take care and much LOVE,
Nadira
Full Outfitdetails in my photo diary: Jingle Bells 
Shop:
More of my outfit here.
The Unknown
I’ve decided to let you guys in on one of the things I initially intended to keep to myself. Because it has appeared to be a valuable life lesson to me, I figured it won’t hurt me to expose my vulnerable side a little bit, as it might help a lot of you through your journeys as well.
One of my frustrations that I’ve been working through in the past few months is having difficulty with ”not knowing”. I’ve always known myself as someone who knows exactly what she wants. I would describe myself as the type who always had a plan and everything figured out, but the past year I felt completely lost. Now I bet most of you are quite surprised reading this, because I know I always seem to have to all together, but the truth is, I’ve actually been quite a mess…(just really good at hiding it 😉 ).
I found myself falling into this gaping hole, completely lost. Despite running two companies, I still had the feeling that I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life; I started questioning everything I was doing. I didn’t know who I wanted to be, I literally felt as if I didn’t know anything anymore,”who am I, what do I stand for, am I on the right path, am I (good) enough?”….And it was SO scary! I lost my vision, my purpose, my drive and mojo. Especially for a control freak like me, it felt like I was going through the worst time of my life. I thought I was losing it honestly. And the worst part was, nobody could help me. Because nobody can answer these questions. for you, you need to find your own way.
So after months of inner-struggling and constantly in agony due to everything which seemed to be”unknown”, I decided to let it go. Because fighting to know wasn’t working out, it was actually only making me doubt everything even more. I let go of the panic I felt when I thought about everything I thought I should have had figured out by age of 27. I let go of the tremendous amount of self-pressure and doubt and said to myself, ”you know what Nadira, you’ll figure it out”, it’ll become clear, just focus on doing the things that trigger your passion, make you happy and give you energy. ”Eventually all the dots will connect”.
And the moment I did that, and used my precious energy for doing good for myself instead of fighting with myself, everything started changing. I knew I needed a lot to change, I wasn’t happy with where I was, but I didn’t know which direction to go. But the moment I stopped pressuring myself in needing to know, my next steps started to become clear to me. Amazing opportunities came out of ”nowhere”, and new paths were created for me.
In conclusion: the unknown can be frightening, believe me, I know. But I also found it to be a place where I discovered abilities I didn’t even know I had. And I believe the unknown is also the same place where I’ll accomplish more than I ever dreamed possible. I would advice to let go of the fear and just embrace it, let it reveal all those things you would never encounter if you’d always want to control and plan out everything in advance. In the end, I found the unknown to be like a breath of fresh air, exactly what I needed when I needed it. I learned that not knowing doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.
I hope you enjoy my ‘‘Parisian Chique” photo diary shot in the rain (Yes, we die-hard like that ;-)!). All outfit details are listed below. Also check out my last fall/winter 2016 favourites post for all my fall fashion must haves, which I’m sure you’ll love!
And remember this:
”We do not fear the unknown. We fear what we project into the unknown”- Teal Swan.
Love,
Nadira
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
Alone & Complete
In June this year I had the privilege of being interviewed in Magazine 4, a news television program in my home country Suriname on ABC (Channel 4). The interview was mainly about my vision on entrepreneurship possibilities in Suriname and female empowerment. Naturally I referred to my blog for more on my ideas on the above. One of the questions I received about my blog was if I also wrote about love and relationships, and when I answered ”not really”, the question was why, because it was assumed that many might be interested in my views on this. On that note I’ve decided to write about something that I’ve been thinking about for a while.
Being in a relationship for longer than 8 years, I think many of you might think I’m not in the position to state what I’m about to tell you, yet it is in my opinion, one of the most important aspects of keeping a happy relationship.
Whether you’re in a steady relationship, or single or anywhere in between those two options, you should, at any time, feel happy, complete and content on your own.
With on your own, I mean you should be able to enjoy yourself when alone. You don’t depend on any other individual for your happiness and feeling of completion. The other individual(s) should complement your life, not be indispensable to it.
While this might logic to a lot of you (I really hope it already is), I see so many people around me waiting for approval and validation of others, which is literally the only thing that makes them feel happy and content. They can’t enjoy themselves when on their own, they need constant attention, entertainment and approval of others.
Putting yourself into a position of needing others to feel content and complete, makes you vulnerable and dependent to others and will lead you into a constant fight for happiness. Why? Because at the end of the day we are all alone in this world. We cannot fully depend on others, not even our parents or our closest loved ones, simply because of the fact that they are human, with their own battles to fight and shortcomings.
I’ve recently found myself in a phase where I felt so completely alone on this world, even while surrounded by my partner, my loving parents and very close friends. I realised that no matter how much they would want to help me, I was the only one who could really help myself with that which I was dealing with. No one might ever be able to fully give you what you want, which means you will be in search of happiness forever if waiting to find someone to give you that.
It is a process and I think the realisation of this comes to all of us at different phases in our lives, but of course, the earlier you know this, the better. We are primed by society and our environment into believing that we need an ”other half” and we have to get married and have children by some time, because only then you will be successful and guaranteed a happy life. When you’re single for too long at some point in your life, people are generally inclined to believe that something is wrong with you *Eye rolling smiley*. Given this common believe in many cultures that we are exposed to from early age, makes the fact that so many people think this way is not a surprise.
Even when you are in a relationship, it’s the sexiest thing when you can enjoy yourself just as much without one another as when together. It’s not at all selfish and very healthy to take and genuinely enjoy your alone time. I think it’s the actual definition of an independent woman or man! Neediness (in any form) is never sexy. In today’s day and age, we can all (well most of us) earn our own money, but can we actually take care of ourselves?
Believe me when I tell you that you are enough. When you start the process of getting to know yourself, and then accepting and loving yourself for who you really are, you will find that you are complete on your own. You can be genuinely happy on your own and don’t need anyone else.
You know who’s going to give you everything you want?…Yourself!
Love,
Nadira
P.S.1. I would love for you guys to tell me if you really want to read more about my ideas on love and relationships, please leave a comment below!
P.S.2. Keep scrolling to outfit details: Dress by SheIn. Shoes by Mango. Direct shopping links below!!
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Photography by Jesse Verboog.
As I Began To Love Myself
I believe people come into your life for a reason, and always at the right time. I have several examples of beautiful souls that recently crossed my path just when I needed their influence and wisdom. One of them is a special lady who sent me this poem written by Charlie Chaplin on his 70th birthday. In this phase that I currently find myself in, I recognise so much of this poem that I just had to share it with you.
”As I Began To Love Myself” – Charlie Chaplin
As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.
As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE!
Love yourself!
Nadira
Full photo diary including all ready to shop outfit details below:
Shop my look (Click on the product pictures to go to shop):
Photography by Jesse Verboog.
I Had No Choice…
…but to boss up and take control.
The other day I was watching one of my favorite tv shows Suits. Apart from the tremendously sexy Harvey Specter, I learn a lot about life from this show, which is why I would recommend everyone watching it.
In one of the episodes from some seasons back, Harvey asked Mike: ”What are your choices when someone puts a gun to your head?”. Mike answered: ”You do what they say or they shoot you?”, where Harvey replied: ”Wrong. You take the gun. Or pull out a bigger one. Or, you call their bluff. Or, you do any one of a hundred and forty six other things. If you can’t think for yourself, maybe you’re not cut out for this”.
If you take this dialogue and apply it to life in general, there is so much you can learn. We’ve all been in situations where we feel like we have no choice. Like we have a gun to our head and no other options. Truth is, we always have a choice. We have so much power, if you consider that by even only choosing to look at the glass half full instead of empty, it changes the situation (the power of choosing to think differently, already changes perspective). But also, there is always a way to make happen what you want to happen, even if it’s a long path.
I’m not ready to tell you guys what I’ve been dealing with, but I’ve been fighting my own battles. One of the things I’ve encountered is that wherever life takes you, know that you are so much stronger than you think. You have the ability to, in ANY situation, choose to boss up, to choose to keep fighting, to find ways to make happen whatever it is you want to make happen. There is always a way, so think outside the box and don’t let any ”gun” intimidate you into a corner where you’re convinced there are no other options or into doing something you don’t want to.
Love,
Nadira
Wearing: Dress & Bag from SheIn. Photo diary including all direct shopping links below:
Shop my look: (Click on pictures to go to shop)
Photography by: Jesse Verboog.
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
Sorry, Not Sorry
Have you ever noticed how frequently you use the word sorry? I might secretly be a bit of a perfectionist but do I therefore need to apologize for every little messy detail in my life? I think it’s surely a point to reconsider and to question yourself, ‘am I proclaiming to be an alter ego of how people want to see me?’. Social pressures are taking the lead when it comes to people’s needlessness feeling like they need to apologize for their triumphs.
It’s like we feel obligated to say sorry because we feel like we have to. Out of politeness, respect to others and so on. We should never have to apologize for being normal human beings. Here are 5 things you should no longer apologize for:
1. Being Successful
We tend me be humble when it comes to this matter but I think we can all relate to our ambition, commitment and overwork hours at work. Being successful can intimidate others but hey, believe me when I say that it’s a fabulous thing and no need to say sorry to please anyone or for the benefit of the insecure people around you.
2. Showing our emotions.
It sounds legit yet many of us apologize for how we feel or what we think. However, we should embrace that we have the power to show how we feel and wear our hearts on our sleeves. Never apologize for being vulnerable and telling people what your heart is actually feeling.
3. Our pasts.
Things have happened and mistakes have been made but it doesn’t mean that they define us. All too often, we find ourselves apologizing for the past. It has actually helped us becoming who we are today, we fell – we came back stronger and yes, with a deeper understanding of life – the scars have taught us what we exactly want.
4. Being authentic.
Society has us where it wants us. Media exposures holds an image of how the ‘perfect’ woman (or man) should be – it’s like the unwritten standard we all think we should persist. Truth is, life is too complicated to not be yourself, you need to express yourself and embrace your uniqueness – it is your quality and definitely not something you should apologize for.
5. Always putting ourselves first.
As cliché as it may sound, love starts with yourself – it’s the most important and long-lasting relationship you will ever have. The moment you choose to put someone else before you is the moment you are putting yourself second. Follow your ambitions and love your friends and family, the rest will follow but never apologize for making your own decisions.
Sorry, not sorry…
Love,
Nadira
Keep scrolling! Photo diary continues below including all outfit details. If you click on the product pictures below, you can shop the outfit immediately. Dress & Bag: SheIn. Sandals: Missguided.
Wearing:
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
Nothing Changes, Until You Do
There is a lot happening in my life at the moment…It’s all very personal, so I cannot share any details until I’ve figured out the most important things for myself. It’s a time of deep reflection and contemplation for me, which will inevitably lead to change. It’s so scary because it’s unknown, and for the exact same reason it’s exciting as well. It’s difficult because it requires completely stepping out of my comfort zone and being honest to myself, which I haven’t been for a while.
All I know for sure is…Nothing changes until you do. The very definition of ”Insanity” by the great Albert Einstein, is ”doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results”.
So…if you want things to work out differently, you have to behave differently, which starts by thinking differently.
It’s so easy to evoke responsibility and blame everyone and everything else for the situation. The problem with that is that you’re only fooling yourself. YOU are the common denominator in every situation in your life. So always start with yourself whenever you’re in a situation you want to change. Ask yourself: ”What can I do to change the situation?”
An example is that I often observe women around me dating the same kind of men, and not the good kind. They’re not happy, yet they will keep attracting those until they learn the lesson and choose differently….and that goes for pretty much everything else in life.
Sometimes it means sucking up your pride and realising that you’re in your own way of finding happiness. It means it’s time to be really honest with yourself, instead of that story you keep telling yourself.
”The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new” – Socrates. For more on the subject of change, read my past blog ”Change”.
Love,
Nadira
Full photo diary and all outfit details below (Click on product pictures to shop the item). Another lovely fashion shop you ladies will love me for sharing is Romwe. Gorgeous, high quality fashion shipped really fast internationally.
Outfit details (Click on pictures to go to shop the look): Blouse: Romwe.
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- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
27
I can’t believe it, because most of time I feel like I’m still that little girl discovering the big fascinating world around her…but yes, as of today (2nd of June 2016)…I’m officially 27!
One of the things I repeatedly hear is ”Your life is perfect”. Believe me, my friends, it’s not. I have my fair share of struggles, however, I choose to share the positive with you.
I prefer to count my blessings instead of my troubles.
You know you’re blessed when you are genuinely loved, appreciated and valued; when you have a healthy body, an intelligent mind, a roof over your head, good food on the table, millions of opportunities to make your dreams and goals come true, but also enough challenges to make you stronger and keep growing. You know you’re blessed when you can enjoy beautiful sunsets, and all the other little things you tend to take for granted. When you can breathe in clean air and feel safe. You know you’re blessed when if people ask you what you want for your birthday, you can’t come up with anything, because you already have everything. I honestly couldn’t be more grateful, so I’m celebrating life, in its perfect imperfection!
27 & The best is yet to come!
Love,
Nadira
P.S.Scroll down for more pictures, outfit details and direct shopping links.
*Update, June 3, 2016: You know you’re blessed when you’ve received almost 1000 of the sweetest birthday messages!
I’m overwhelmed, thank you from the bottom of my heart!!*
Outfitdetails: Dress & Shoes – Missguided.
Lipstick: Candy K by Kylie mixed with Sierra NYX Cosmetics.
Shop my look (click on pictures to go shop):
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- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
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