The Illusion Of Comfort
We all love comfort and we often associate having certain degree of comfort with happiness. Wealth provides us with comfort, which is one of the reasons why we strive for wealth. We think if we’re wealthy, we get more comfort, and we will become happier. This way of thinking results in us working our asses off for a comfortable life, whether it is for ourselves or for our loved ones.
But the thing is…Comfort is actually an illusion. An illusion that too many of us become slaves of, because it’s so easy to get sucked into.
Don’t lose yourself in the illusion of Comfort.
Many don’t know this, but at one point in my life, in the very beginning of starting with our businesses, I was extremely broke. We never worked with any investors and banks were very anxious at that time to give out loans to startups. At that time I was still a Bachelor student. Apart from some financial aid from my dad, we invested everything we earned (which wasn’t that much yet) into our new brand, which at the time wasn’t generating much income yet. It was a vicious circle. As you might know, brand awareness takes a load of time, I’m talking decades, not a year or two.
I found myself facing a harsh truth of life: Struggle to pay the rent and bills. I’ve never had to struggle like that before, because I was lucky to have my parents who always supported me financially all the way through college.
I had two options:
1. I could borrow more money from my parents.
2. I could give this struggling life a go.
I felt like the first wasn’t really an option, as it was my choice to start a business and not go for a 9-5 job at some multinational. Also, I felt, I was an adult, and it just felt wrong to keep running to my daddy for money, so there was a lot of ego and pride involved too.
So, I decided to give the struggling life a go, because I wanted to see if I could really survive. My dad started his consulting company from scratch too, so I should be able to do so as well.
It was tough…I mean reaaally tough for quite a while. I wouldn’t call myself spoiled, but I come from a good family and always got everything I needed, and almost everything I wanted. So it was a real lifestyle shift for me. However, I am very grateful for this period in my life, because I’ve learned and grown so much from it. I’ve gotten more tough, my mind got stronger. When you know you are capable of living uncomfortably, there isn’t much you’re afraid of anymore. I realised that fear of failure is actually the fear of having to live an uncomfortable life, but I survived…and I was fine. I know now that, no matter what happens in life, I will find a way to survive. I can easily adapt to changing circumstances.
Apart from learning great financial management skills, I realized how many things we tend to buy that we actually don’t need. I was used to buying new clothes every month (maybe even every week!), so many accessories, and all those little things that we splurge on and we don’t need. All the food we buy that goes bad, because we buy too much. You have to become inventive, creative to make the most out of what you have. The constant realization that every euro you spend now, you won’t have to spend tomorrow, so it has to be spent wisely. While it is not a way of living that I would like to maintain, as it is quite extreme, it has taught me so much. I’ve decided to maintain this new mentality and it still serves me well, because no matter how much you earn, it doesn’t hurt to be conscious.
The new mentality – habit of living with less – basically refers to no unnecessary shopping (Ask yourself, do I really need this? And be honest!), eating in (cooking), staying in (entertain yourself at home).
One of the results of employing this mentality is something I am extremely grateful for, which is looking for happiness from within, rather from external sources.
It’s the realization that, buying that ’’new dress that you don’t really need, but it’s soo cute and it will look great on instagram’’, is fun, but not real happiness.
During the struggle period I had to find ‘’free things’’ to do, things that I could enjoy without having to spend any cent. Apart from working a lot, I started reading more, writing more, streaming television series, enjoying nature, working out. All things that costs relatively little to no money, but are actually really good for you. Being in my early twenties, with all my friends still going out partying and splurging, it was tough. But as a result, I became happier from within, and it wasn’t based on external factors. I found out, that I didn’t need a lot of comfort to make me happy.
Sometimes the uncomfortable things in life are there to teach us lessons because to go through a change of habit, we need to feel uncomfortable. – Mo Seetubtim
Give it a try if you can. Learn to live with less. Become comfortable with living uncomfortably. Then you’ll realize that there’s more to life than finding comfort. Because after all, comfort is just an illusion.
Love,
Nadira
P.S. I bet you guys didn’t know I could walk on water…;-). Pictures taken at Babunhol Resort in my home country Suriname by Surej Tul.
12 Ways To Feel GREAT In Today’s Pressure Society.
Something we all want, to feel good…to feel great! If you are reading this, the chance is you are in possession of a computer, smartphone or tablet, you have a roof above your head and food on your plate. Hopefully you are healthy and that would mean you have everything you need to feel great, because your are blessed.
Yet in this society we keep on being pushed and pulled to have the need for more in order to feel great. We think we need to have more, do better, work harder, look better. We are never really content. It’s a giant form of peer pressure, that I am experiencing as well, to look a certain way and accomplish certain things, because it is expected. I do realize, that usually I’m my worst critic, so I’m the one putting pressure on myself. And I find myself in this rush and extreme need of being better (inside, outside, you name it, just better).
As much as this can be a good thing, because it keeps you sharp, and keeps you evolving and growing as a person, it can make you feel really insecure and just not great in general. Why? Because you are not ‘’there’’ yet. And in your mind, where you are now, isn’t good enough.
I’ve thought about this a lot, to find a way to deal with it and came up with 12 ways to feel great, while in the constant process of evolving.
- Remember you will always be a ‘’Work in Progress’’
We will always be a work in progress. We will never be ‘’there’’, we will never be perfect, because even if we would be, our head would be telling us that we still need this, and that to be perfect. (Let’s assume for this statement that perfection is even possible). A recent example: When I started with Fitness I had this picture in my mind of how I wanted to look. This mental picture kept me going, yet when I reached it, I didn’t even realize it. In my head this picture had gradually evolved, making me think that I wasn’t there yet. Most of the time, we are our own worst critics. When you accept that even when you’re old and wrinkly, you will still have so many things you would want to do better; you will feel so much more relaxed and confident about the progress you make, because it’s not something finite, there is no end to it, and anything is possible. - Find balance between working on yourself and loving the way you are now
Change is great, growth is essential. Yet we have to stop thinking ‘’when I look like that, I will be happy’’ or ‘’only when I achieve that, I will be worthy’’.
Start loving yourself for the person you are now, even if you’re not the person you want to be yet. Identify the wonderful things about yourself, certain traits, abilities, achievements, things you love about the way you look . Despite the fact that you would want to improve, you are still a lovely, beautiful person with qualities. So embrace that, and keep on reminding yourself of these things while you are working on yourself.
- Stop Comparing
In today’s society, we get overrun by success stories, pictures and videos of others around the world. It’s not only the celebrities and magazine covers anymore, but technology has made it possible to follow the lives of many others. This makes it even easier to constantly compare yourself to others. You think you know their life, and you would love to have what they have; to do what they do.
First, let me tell you, everyone only shows off the great things in their lives, not their struggles along the way. Second, STOP, just stop! It’s good to look up to people and try to find out the strategies they use to get where they are. But everything beyond that is not healthy. You only have part of the story, and most of the time, thing just aren’t what they seem.
An example: Instagram is being taken over by the fitness hype, which is great because it encourages a lot of people to work out. But I see too many ladies around me obsessing with having abs, booties and muscles and having/wanting to look a certain way, that is in some cases not even possible to achieve naturally and they starve themselves for it, because they just don’t know the right way to achieve this. I will write more about this soon, but the message is to just stop comparing, because it does more harm than good. Count your blessings and focus on yourself, your own progress. The more energy you put into yourself, the more you will get out of it, and the greater you will feel. - Do more YOU
Invest in yourself, whether it is by taking some me-time and just take a long bath, or a vacation. There are endless possibilities for this, depending on your personality. You can go from reading a book, taking up a certain hobby or activity, to taking an extra course or workshop in the area you want to excel in. As long as you do something for you, that you enjoy and know is good for you.
- Don’t wait for other’s approval/applause
This one is a hard one, for me at least. You know those people who always say, I don’t care what anyone thinks? Well I am one of them. Only I do care (to certain extent). I’m still working on finding out why approval of others is so important to most of us, even if we might not want to admit it. But when we accomplish something cool, we do like it when people around us acknowledge this. If you ask me, that’s the basic foundation of social media. Sharing the good things, the accomplishments, all in exchange for a ‘’like’’.
I cannot tell you how to get rid of this need for approval, because I am still working on it myself. I can, however, tell you how I deal with it. I’ve decided to value my own approval more than that of others. In the end we know ourselves better than anyone else does. We can be the best judge of ourselves, and we know how we’ve struggled and when we’ve stepped out of our comfort zone to achieve something. Therefore, applaud yourself, when you’ve achieved whatever it is you wanted to. If others do so as well, it’s a nice extra, but having that inner approval is so much more valuable and should be the most important. - Celebrate victories, even the smallest ones!
Since we are talking about victories, I have found that celebrating them, no matter how small, really feels great. Even though it might be just a small step, it is a step in the right direction that you haven’t made before, and it might have required some to a lot of effort, so it is worth celebrating. It’s also motivating to get to the next step, and the next, and so on.
- Know your strengths and develop them
We are all good at something, some of us have excellent communication skills, others can persuade very well and others can juggle or draw or dance really well. Whatever it is, it is likely that you enjoy doing these things, because you have a talent for it, and it feels rewarding. Even if you might not be able to make a living out of everything, I would encourage you to invest time into these strengths. It will make you feel great about yourself, because you’re great at it and you will get better and better. - Set Goals and most important Stick to them
Setting goals is easy. Sticking to them, well that’s another story. It’s not always easy, especially if the goal requires controversial change in your daily life or just lots of effort and time. Yet there is no worse feeling than regret of not having pursued the steps to achieve your goals. You’re always going to be busy, it will never be a perfect time, but just do it. Focus and go. You will feel great by putting it in the works, sticking to the plan, because the closer you get, the better the feeling. I personally love the feeling of checking that box next to the task on my to do list.
- Do good (for others).
Last Sunday, we had the privilege to receive a special 9 year old boy with severe diabetes at the Wulterkens Clothing office. In collaboration with the Make A Wish Foundation, we made it a really special day for him. He arrived in style, in a beautiful white limo, and got to create his very own design sport t-shirts with us. There were balloons, cake, and we had his family come along with him. Afterwards he went to the Ajax Stadium in Amsterdam to watch a soccer game and he got to stand on the side lines and see everything up close. There was no better feeling and I am extremely grateful for this experience. Just to see the smile on his face. Anyway, do good, because it feels great to give. Even if it’s just something small, as long as you give back. - Realize that everyone else around you has Insecurities.
For some reason, when we know that others share the same struggle, we find some sort of peace with it. There is something in the collective that soothes us, as long as we are not the only one, right? Well in this case, this might make you feel better. Remember that all of us, even the greatest, have insecurities, struggles, pain, issues etc. That’s life, and we’re only human. So whenever you feel insecure, just know that you are not the only one and it doesn’t have to be a limitation, unless you make it one.
I don’t know if this is a direct incentive to feel great, but it does put things in perspective and makes you embrace life, the way it is, even if it’s not easy. If you think about the fact that even Beyonce has her insecurities, yet she is the amazing artist that she is, you know that you can be that amazing version of yourself as well, despite your insecurities.
- The power of thought
As I’ve mentioned before, we are our own worst critics. Try to understand and remind yourself that you and the way you decide to see and think about things create your reality. If you’re being too hard on yourself, you are the one making it difficult and making yourself unhappy. If you hold yourself to unrealistic standards, it’s you and your thoughts that make you feel insecure (not anyone else).
At the same time, you have the power to create another reality, one that makes you happier, more motivated, more positively driven and more acknowledged of the small steps of progress you make. Remember all limitations are self-imposed, by thoughts and fears that are created in our own mind and we choose to listen to them or not. - Count your blessings, Be Grateful & Smile.
It’s cliché, but do it. Every day, when you wake up, count your blessings, thank for them & smile. It’s going to be a good day. There is always something to be thankful for, and acknowledging this can make you feel great. Life is all about the little things anyway. Learn to appreciate them. No matter where you are, it can always be worse. And if you hit rock bottom, you can only go up. Be grateful for the fact that you are alive and able to pursue your dreams. An attitude of gratitude will get you far.
Be great, feel great. Remember: Happiness is not a destination, it’s the journey.
Love,
Nadira
Outfitdetails:
Boots: Zara || Dress, Hat & Coat: Missguided || Bag: River Island || Bracelet: Hermes Collier de Chien.
Beauty is in the Eye of the Value-holder
Benjamin Franklin once said “It is the eye of other people that ruin us. If I were blind I would want neither fine clothes, fine houses or fine furniture’’.
This saying makes me think about what is really important in this life, about human behavior and necessities. Is that Celine bag really what you want and need or is it something that goes much deeper, for instance: recognition, approval or belonging?
If you look at Maslow’s ‘’Hierarchy of Needs’’, our materialistic needs are not even among the five (physiological, safety, love & belonging, esteem and self-actualization). Yet, on the surface, our entire society and economy thrives on it. Looking beautiful and having beautiful (and expensive) stuff has formed a basis of the world that is projected in many of the pictures of people around the world on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and other social media. The more expensive, the more show off. Why is our society so fashion and brand conscious? Have we always been like this?
Do you buy something to feel good? Or to hear others tell you, you look good? Or to feel good after others tell you, you look good? I still wonder what the exact sequence is and it might be different for everyone. In any case, my guess would be that, indeed, our materialistic needs, go much deeper and have to do very much with the 4th Need mentioned by Maslow: Esteem.
I can hear you thinking, where is she going with this…bear with me. Esteem refers to the need to feel respected, accepted and valued by others and yourself. Considering this, I wouldn’t go so far as Benjamin Franklin with the word ‘’ruin’’. However, I do think that most of our decisions regarding material goods that we wear or present as ours, has a lot to do with being accepted and valued by others. I believe that with ‘’ruin’’, he means losing the true meaning behind acceptance and value, which would have a lot to do with who you are as a person instead of your material possessions.
Yes of course, you want people to like you because you’re a kind, considerate and intelligent soul (at least, that’s what I want). But what is the first thing they see ? I think it is the statement you’re making with your presence/charisma AND clothing. “The clothes make the man’’, we’ve all heard that one before or ‘’Dress for Success’’. What does success really look like? Who determines this? One thing is for sure, it is because you want others to perceive you as successful, so it has everything to do with esteem (being valued and accepted by others).
As marketer and designer of my own brand Wulterkens, this is the basis for my work. We are proud to say that, people can really express themselves and make a statement with our t-shirts. They can boost their esteem by a certain projection of personality, thereby gaining certain acceptance by doing so, making them feel content and confident.
So is Benjamin Franklin right? Are we really buying the stuff we buy for the eye of others?
The point I want to make is that we should all ask ourselves when we buy something, whether it is to please or attract attention from others or (and) genuinely enjoy it ourselves. Most of the things that really nourish our souls are free. As much as I love fashion and sell fashion, I believe that we will appreciate it more if we realize which need it really fulfills. It gives us more ground. The awareness of there being a difference between the need for fashionable clothing and the need to be valued. As much as they are interrelated and often substituted, I believe true value comes from knowing and accepting the difference. This awareness will allow you to recognize true value that will distinct you from the mass, so you become more conscious of what you’re buying and why. This consciousness is what I think makes you Lead (when others follow).
I know this is quite a different scope on Fashion than one would expect, however, I’m not the average fashion blogger, I’d like to go beyond the obvious. There is of course so much more regarding this topic, much from psychological stand point, even physiological point, where neuroscientists have discovered extra brain activity in the hippocampus and mid brain when looking at a high fashion brand bag versus a regular no brand bag. Yes I’m a nerd and have a minor in Neuroscience. Feel free to comment if you like this scope and want me to write more about this and similar topics!
‘’Price is what you pay, Value is what you get’’ – Warren Buffet
Love,
Nadira
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018