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Nadira R. Ramautarsing

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20 June 2025

Tag: unrealistic expectations

So Special?

Tuesday, 25 July 2017 by Nadira

”You are unique. Just like everyone else”. 

We all like to believe that we are so special. But are we really?

We all want to be seen, recognised for who we are, acknowledged, appreciated, loved, celebrated. We love to be chosen, whether it is getting picked out of the group to play sports in a team or your crush choosing you over all the other boys or girls in school.
We all want to be liked, making for popular hashtags such as #like #like4like #follow4follow, as we also want to be followed, because we want to show as many people as possible how special (and awesome) we are and our life is.

But at the same time…in today’s day and age…Swipe right, Swipe left…For you, there are 10 others. With over 700 million active monthly users on Instagram, chances are it’s even more than 10 ;-). Aren’t we all replaceable? What makes you so special really?

I know what you’re thinking…life isn’t Tinder (or Grinder or any of the other mating app’s out there)…and of course, not everyone is exactly like you, but there are enough with the same interests, ideals; similar talents, ways and even looks. The same sense of humor, way of talking, walking, fears, dreams, taste in music, fashion, art etc, etc. Is there anything exceptionally unique these days anyway? 

Also, did you know you’re actually programmed to think you’re special? It’s called Pseudo-exceptionalism—the unearned conviction that we are exceptional, superior to others because we were born…us. 
Consider this, and a simple (maybe a little too simple, but I can see logic behind it), formula by Tim Urban: Happiness = Reality – Expectations.

Most millennials have been raised by constantly being told they are ”special”. I mean, even the losing kids in contests get prizes and trophies these days, right? We receive rewards even without having to actually do something exceptionally better than others, simply because we are our special us and we showed up. Yet we are programmed to constantly compete from a young age, in sports, in beauty competitions, in business and so on…

Given the world we live in, and the fact that life in general isn’t really that easy…I think the harsh reality of life is catching up to many of us…With the automatic conviction that we are entitled to a great life, we end up very unhappy, because we expect things to come a lot easier in life.

A successful life, whether it’s a career or marriage , requires hard work, blood, sweat, tears and not just ”being special” or being entitled to, simply because we believe we are. ”If he/she can have it, so can I”… which could be true, but honestly, you will have to do something for it. Whatever it is you seek, won’t fall from the sky.

We look at the ”perfect”(ly staged) lives of others on Facebook and think the grass is greener, but tend forget that nobody posts about the struggles, the pain, the frustrations. We are programmed to always want (and aim for) the nicer car or the bigger house, without even thinking through whether it would really make us happy or give us actual meaning in life. Thus leading to unhappiness.

All of this made me think….maybe we should (try to) let go of the notion that we are so special? What’s so bad about accepting that we are all replaceable? No matter how talented, skilled, smart, beautiful…there will always be someone, somewhere…just as good (or maybe even better/more beautiful, talented etc.).
But really what’s so bad about that?

No one will ever be you in the completeness of you as a human being. But that will not bring you anything in life on it’s own. 

Life is too short to worry about being special. It’s already complicated enough. Just ride the hell out of the rollercoaster, work hard for what you want, make the best of it, enjoy it, and maybe try to leave the world a little bit better than it was before. To me there is enough special in that :-). 

”A flower doesn’t think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms”.

Love,

Nadira

P.S. I’m sure you’re really special in the eyes of at least one person in this world. Maybe that’s a bit of a consolation :-). 

accomplishmentsbeing specialbetter than otherscompetitionfeeling specialLessons learnedlifelife lessonslife's experienceslifestylemindsetpersonal growthSelf developmentsocial mediasuccessunrealistic expectationsWisdom
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  • Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
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Why I Don’t Care Anymore

Saturday, 08 April 2017 by Nadira

The past few weeks I’ve been feeling rebellious…with regards to pretty much everything. I’ve been doing a lot of processing and soul-searching and I find myself changing, or maybe it’s part of the natural growth/ maturing process, I have no idea….but I feel like I’ve really toughened up. 

I used to be so sensitive to other people’s perception of me. I’ve always been a people pleaser and I’ve had the hardest time saying no to people. In the past few years I’ve been working on this, but I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress in the past few weeks, because…I honestly don’t care anymore. 

I am SO tired that no matter what you do, the world we live in will judge you based on their own feelings, and not based on you (or your actions). That’s the funny part. You can be a saint, and still they will have to say something negative about you…simply because they don’t feel good about themselves….That’s human nature, and it’s not going to change….(although I do hope to open up some minds with this post)….So why bother ”behaving” to hopefully be judged positively by others?

”Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticised anyway. You’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t”. 

I’ve found out the hard way recently that people are not loyal to you. No matter how good you are to them, and no matter how much you try to please them. They are loyal to their need of you. As soon as their needs change, so does their loyalty. (Please note: This is not a generalisation, and might not apply to parents/close family). 

We are all hypocritical and opportunistic, yes I say we, because if I am honest, I can identify this behaviour from myself too. Although I’m usually at the other end, getting hurt and disappointed. Yet, I am trying to train myself not to be (not to expect anything from anyone), because it’s in our nature for our needs to change. All change, and thus also change of needs, is an essential part of life. 

Two things happened in the past few weeks that made me think….As I’ve said, I’ve been feeling a bit rebellious…

First story:

It was a rainy Saturday afternoon, and I decided to share a picture revealing a little bit of skin on Instagram, well aware that it was sexy, not aware that it would confuse, upset and excite so many people (both men and women). The problem was clearly one of expectation. I am very well aware of the persona I have shaped of myself to the outside world. So…when people expect me to be an intelligent, responsible, role-model business woman and I pull a Kim Kardashian….well I can understand the confusion, a little bit…But here’s the thing…people are hypocrites, in a world who idolises a woman who makes a sextape, turns her into a billionaire (I hate to say it, but yes she’s a business woman as well), and at the same time shuns other women for sharing a little bit of skin….well F* you….

You assume that you know why I would post something like this…you probably think it’s about wanting attention or validation…But it was simply to make a statement. It’s about boldness and confidence and not caring what people might think. It’s about not pleasing people into their perception of you. It’s about feeling confident in your own skin, which is so difficult because of the most unrealistic beauty standards. It’s about being ok with expressing some sensuality, because we don’t live in the ages where women should be shunned for their natural desires anymore. Coming from someone like me, it’s an eye-opener. And although many misunderstood it, it did work. 

I’m aware I have a certain charisma of elegance and innocence…But I am an adult woman and a sensual/sexual being.  I will not comply to the b.s. so called ”standards” and ”rules” society puts up for us as to how we should behave, as they make everyone confused and unhappy and I refuse be a victim of it. 

Some ignorant, narrow-minded people might have a different perception of me, maybe take me less seriously as a business woman…But thinking that expressing some sensuality makes me less intelligent and competent in what I do…well that’s just them trying to validate their own self. My actions speak louder than anything…In this case, the quality of my work and my success…so it’s up to everyone to think what they want to think, as they will anyway. In any case, I won’t be losing any sleep over it, none are paying my bills.

”Very sexy, but undeniably elegant and competent. Yes, some of us have mastered the art of being all of it at the same time”.

Story number two:

When I got a present from a friend the other day, which looked like a chocolate cake, but had a little special ingredient in it…let’s call it a medicinal plant (which it is 😉 )…I decided that for the first time in my 27 years on this earth, I would allow myself to experience ”soft drugs”. It never attracted me before, I’ve actually always been a good girl, first because as a people-pleaser, I wanted to please my parents, but later because I simply didn’t feel like trying it.

It was a Sunday night, or actually already past midnight (Monday morning), and I figured you know what…YOLO…I was at home with my partner and he was actually enjoying my rebelliousness, and wanted to film it. So he filmed me eating the cake, and the plan was to film me an hour after, but we both just fell asleep. For me it was a cool experience, which I felt like sharing, as I share so much of my life on social media, so I decided to share 30 seconds of the film in my instagram stories. Half an hour later, I decided to take down the story…. My thoughts behind it were the awareness of my role-model position, and ”what if my young nieces and nephews see this, I don’t want to set a bad example”. The next day, I was soo drowsy/dizzy, I slept all day and skipped work, so I guess we can confirm it’s not my kinda thing haha…

But apart from the drowsiness, when I woke up…I actually regretted taking down the video…Because when I thought about it, I didn’t (and still don’t) care anymore about what people think. I’m 27 years old, safe at home with my partner…If that’s not the best example for all my nieces and nephews of the right timing and circumstances to experience something that everyone undoubtedly comes across in their lifetime at some point…then I honestly don’t know…

I am human, I am alive, experiencing, growing, finding myself and yes I share a lot of it…let me…without you thinking you have to opinionize it. Maybe see if your life is so perfect 😉 . Remember:

”When you point a finger at someone, there is always 3 fingers pointing back at you”.

Now I am very well aware that saying this won’t change much, because our brains are wired to judge, mostly for safety reasons (I still remember a few things from my neuro-economics minor). But I still want to have said it…with a little bit of hope you’ll be giving this a good thought.

”I know where I’m going and I know the truth, and I don’t have to be what you want me to be. I’m free to be what I want” – Muhammad Ali.

Love,

Nadira

Photography: Fons de Keijzer
Outfit-details: Asymmetric Edginess & Sweet as a Peach

P.S. Just for the ones incapable of understanding…I am NOT saying, go and do drugs and post sexy pictures (or any other somewhat rebellious act) and don’t care about what people think….I’m saying…Do whatever you think you should do, but make sure you ALWAYS think it through. Know why you’re doing it, list the risks (vs gains) and the consequences for yourself, and then if you still feel you have to do it…DO IT…and then don’t care about what people think ;-).  Just please don’t ever limit yourself due to fear of not complying to society’s hypocritical standards. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

being yourselfboss babebusiness womenConfidenceexperienceexpressing sensualityexpressing sexualityfemale empowermentfood for thoughtgirl bossjudgementjudgement of peoplelife's experiencespeople-pleaserperceptionpersonal growthrebelrebelliousnesssociety standardsstatus quounrealistic expectations
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  • Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
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