So Special?
”You are unique. Just like everyone else”.
We all like to believe that we are so special. But are we really?
We all want to be seen, recognised for who we are, acknowledged, appreciated, loved, celebrated. We love to be chosen, whether it is getting picked out of the group to play sports in a team or your crush choosing you over all the other boys or girls in school.
We all want to be liked, making for popular hashtags such as #like #like4like #follow4follow, as we also want to be followed, because we want to show as many people as possible how special (and awesome) we are and our life is.
But at the same time…in today’s day and age…Swipe right, Swipe left…For you, there are 10 others. With over 700 million active monthly users on Instagram, chances are it’s even more than 10 ;-). Aren’t we all replaceable? What makes you so special really?
I know what you’re thinking…life isn’t Tinder (or Grinder or any of the other mating app’s out there)…and of course, not everyone is exactly like you, but there are enough with the same interests, ideals; similar talents, ways and even looks. The same sense of humor, way of talking, walking, fears, dreams, taste in music, fashion, art etc, etc. Is there anything exceptionally unique these days anyway?
Also, did you know you’re actually programmed to think you’re special? It’s called Pseudo-exceptionalism—the unearned conviction that we are exceptional, superior to others because we were born…us.
Consider this, and a simple (maybe a little too simple, but I can see logic behind it), formula by Tim Urban: Happiness = Reality – Expectations.
Most millennials have been raised by constantly being told they are ”special”. I mean, even the losing kids in contests get prizes and trophies these days, right? We receive rewards even without having to actually do something exceptionally better than others, simply because we are our special us and we showed up. Yet we are programmed to constantly compete from a young age, in sports, in beauty competitions, in business and so on…
Given the world we live in, and the fact that life in general isn’t really that easy…I think the harsh reality of life is catching up to many of us…With the automatic conviction that we are entitled to a great life, we end up very unhappy, because we expect things to come a lot easier in life.
A successful life, whether it’s a career or marriage , requires hard work, blood, sweat, tears and not just ”being special” or being entitled to, simply because we believe we are. ”If he/she can have it, so can I”… which could be true, but honestly, you will have to do something for it. Whatever it is you seek, won’t fall from the sky.
We look at the ”perfect”(ly staged) lives of others on Facebook and think the grass is greener, but tend forget that nobody posts about the struggles, the pain, the frustrations. We are programmed to always want (and aim for) the nicer car or the bigger house, without even thinking through whether it would really make us happy or give us actual meaning in life. Thus leading to unhappiness.
All of this made me think….maybe we should (try to) let go of the notion that we are so special? What’s so bad about accepting that we are all replaceable? No matter how talented, skilled, smart, beautiful…there will always be someone, somewhere…just as good (or maybe even better/more beautiful, talented etc.).
But really what’s so bad about that?
No one will ever be you in the completeness of you as a human being. But that will not bring you anything in life on it’s own.
Life is too short to worry about being special. It’s already complicated enough. Just ride the hell out of the rollercoaster, work hard for what you want, make the best of it, enjoy it, and maybe try to leave the world a little bit better than it was before. To me there is enough special in that :-).
”A flower doesn’t think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms”.
Love,
Nadira
P.S. I’m sure you’re really special in the eyes of at least one person in this world. Maybe that’s a bit of a consolation :-).
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
5 Realisations That Make Life Easier
All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.
I talk a lot about change in my previous posts: The Unknown, Change, You Have To Do The Hard Things, Nothing Changes Until You Do and more…
But in this post, I want to emphasise Growth. It’s part of our natural process, but I found that consciously acknowledging and reflecting back on growth, brings a lot of valuable insights and wisdom saving you a lot when dealing with life in the future.
As you are (consciously) shifting, you will begin to realise that you are not the same person you used to be. The things you used to tolerate have become intolerable. When you once remained quiet, you are now speaking your truth. Where you once battled and argued, you are now choosing to remain silent. You are beginning to understand the value of your voice and there are some situations that no longer deserve your time, energy, and focus.
Some things I’ve learned through evaluating my own growth:
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There is only one really good life…that’s the life you know you want….and you make it yourself…
Though it’s never really one vision, and it’s subject to change as our needs change through different phases of our live. A simple and funny example of this is looking back at our 7-year old self who (probably) didn’t want to eat vegetables and didn’t like an early bed-time; whereas for me 20 years later – I crave healthy food (and miss my mom preparing it for me), and I have a very exclusive love relationship with my bed, which my partner is very envious of 😀 . The same principle goes for everything. What used to be your vision of life, doesn’t have to be the same over time, but regardless of this vision changing, you’re still the pilot on your own flight. -
In any given moment we have two options: To step forward into growth or to step back into safety.
The first often scary and uncomfortable, but always with great rewards (exciting next-level changes and opportunities); the latter being easy but non-satisfying, as there’s always that little voice inside that will keep nagging you for not taking that step forward, since you are clearly not happy where you’re standing. Also, there will always be the question ”what if..?”. Realising this saves you a lot of time when pondering on whether or not to take certain steps in the future. -
You start dying slowly when you become a slave to your habits, walking everyday on the same paths, if you do not change your routine. Especially when you are not satisfied with your love-life, your job or surroundings and you choose not to change your life.
I know so many people, who choose to be a victim of their surroundings, and they are so unhappy, all the while there is a lot they can change. Even if it’s just step by step starting with ”100 little, easy to change, but make all the difference” things. -
You become a master of your life when you learn how to control where your attention goes. Value what you give your time and energy to.
Choose your battles. As easy as it is to give in to so many triggers around us, stop and ask yourself ”what will pursuing this bring me?”. It’s a simple principle. Everything you give time and energy to grows, so you decide by directing your attention what your life looks like. Knowing this…and applying it everyday, is power. -
You are under no obligation to be the same person you were a year, a month or even 15 minutes ago. You have to right to grow. No apologies.
We are products of our pasts, but that doesn’t mean we have to be prisoners of it. Don’t let anything limit you into changing your thinking, attitude or anything else that you know and feel will bring you to a better place in life.
And don’t forget this…
” You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work-in-progress at the same time”.
I’ve said this before, but I emphasise it again…One doesn’t exclude the other as we never stop being a work-in-progress until our passing. So love yourself and all that you are in every phase. Embrace even the broken and ugly pieces, as they are triggers for you to actually take those steps to a better you and a better life. Besides; perfection is overrated, your flaws make you a masterpiece and your tragedies make your story one worth telling.
Love,
Nadira
I love this picture below, as it describes me perfectly stumbling and balancing my way through the whirlwind called Life. Outfit details: ”Red Rose”. Photography: Fons de Keijzer
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
New Beginnings & Perfect Endings
That moment…when you just got off the rollercoaster ride…pumped with adrenaline, slightly nauseous, overwhelmed, kinda tired, but you are ready to go for another ride!
Most of you who follow me on my social media know that on December 1st, I opened my very first physical store: The Wulterkens Customized Wear Store in the Gooische Brink Passage, Hilversum!
Needless to say the past few months have been unbelievably hectic and crazy. We received the keys to the store on November 7th, and we had our grand opening on December 1st, so in 24 days, we built up the entire store. Let’s just say…the next time someone says they are ”busy”, because they have a few things going on, I’m willing to give them the ”batman meme” slap.
I’ve managed to get things done that I never thought I could. Tackling one challenge at a time, constant problem solving, a lot of sweat, some tears as well…In those 3 weeks, I’ve learned so much, I feel like a completely different person and it was all so worth it. I will get into some lessons learned (there have been a lot) in future posts.
2016 has taken a completely unexpected turn for us, amazing opportunities came onto our path, which we literally grabbed with both hands and along with the help of so many loving friends and beautiful souls around us, we couldn’t be more grateful. For an impression, you can find the after movie of the grand opening of the Wulterkens Store below.
We’ve also moved to a great apartment in Hilversum, so we’re settling into our new home. In retrospect, 2016, was an amazing year. We’ve taken our businesses Wulterkens and Customized Wear to a whole other level, bringing them together to the consumer in the Wulterkens Store. We’ve launched a new t-shirt brand King Of Rebels. I can finally call myself Nadira Ramautarsing, MSc. Marketing! Looking back to my first post this year, Raise Your Standards, I’ve accomplished most of my goals. I am fit, healthy, taking things to the next level, focussing, prioritising, back on track. Yes! Madame Selfmade has been put on hold for a little while, because while I am superwoman, there are some limits to my powers, such as the 24 hours I only have a day, but stay tuned! Mastering the moonwalk is something I will pick up in 2017 as well ;-).
There is this saying that ”every next level of life demands another version of you”. It took me a while to evolve (read more in The Unknown), but I look back in gratitude, and I am so excited for what 2017 will bring.
I wish you all beautiful holidays, with loving people and great food!
Take care and much LOVE,
Nadira
Full Outfitdetails in my photo diary: Jingle Bells 
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More of my outfit here.
Alone & Complete
In June this year I had the privilege of being interviewed in Magazine 4, a news television program in my home country Suriname on ABC (Channel 4). The interview was mainly about my vision on entrepreneurship possibilities in Suriname and female empowerment. Naturally I referred to my blog for more on my ideas on the above. One of the questions I received about my blog was if I also wrote about love and relationships, and when I answered ”not really”, the question was why, because it was assumed that many might be interested in my views on this. On that note I’ve decided to write about something that I’ve been thinking about for a while.
Being in a relationship for longer than 8 years, I think many of you might think I’m not in the position to state what I’m about to tell you, yet it is in my opinion, one of the most important aspects of keeping a happy relationship.
Whether you’re in a steady relationship, or single or anywhere in between those two options, you should, at any time, feel happy, complete and content on your own.
With on your own, I mean you should be able to enjoy yourself when alone. You don’t depend on any other individual for your happiness and feeling of completion. The other individual(s) should complement your life, not be indispensable to it.
While this might logic to a lot of you (I really hope it already is), I see so many people around me waiting for approval and validation of others, which is literally the only thing that makes them feel happy and content. They can’t enjoy themselves when on their own, they need constant attention, entertainment and approval of others.
Putting yourself into a position of needing others to feel content and complete, makes you vulnerable and dependent to others and will lead you into a constant fight for happiness. Why? Because at the end of the day we are all alone in this world. We cannot fully depend on others, not even our parents or our closest loved ones, simply because of the fact that they are human, with their own battles to fight and shortcomings.
I’ve recently found myself in a phase where I felt so completely alone on this world, even while surrounded by my partner, my loving parents and very close friends. I realised that no matter how much they would want to help me, I was the only one who could really help myself with that which I was dealing with. No one might ever be able to fully give you what you want, which means you will be in search of happiness forever if waiting to find someone to give you that.
It is a process and I think the realisation of this comes to all of us at different phases in our lives, but of course, the earlier you know this, the better. We are primed by society and our environment into believing that we need an ”other half” and we have to get married and have children by some time, because only then you will be successful and guaranteed a happy life. When you’re single for too long at some point in your life, people are generally inclined to believe that something is wrong with you *Eye rolling smiley*. Given this common believe in many cultures that we are exposed to from early age, makes the fact that so many people think this way is not a surprise.
Even when you are in a relationship, it’s the sexiest thing when you can enjoy yourself just as much without one another as when together. It’s not at all selfish and very healthy to take and genuinely enjoy your alone time. I think it’s the actual definition of an independent woman or man! Neediness (in any form) is never sexy. In today’s day and age, we can all (well most of us) earn our own money, but can we actually take care of ourselves?
Believe me when I tell you that you are enough. When you start the process of getting to know yourself, and then accepting and loving yourself for who you really are, you will find that you are complete on your own. You can be genuinely happy on your own and don’t need anyone else.
You know who’s going to give you everything you want?…Yourself!
Love,
Nadira
P.S.1. I would love for you guys to tell me if you really want to read more about my ideas on love and relationships, please leave a comment below!
P.S.2. Keep scrolling to outfit details: Dress by SheIn. Shoes by Mango. Direct shopping links below!!
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Photography by Jesse Verboog.
As I Began To Love Myself
I believe people come into your life for a reason, and always at the right time. I have several examples of beautiful souls that recently crossed my path just when I needed their influence and wisdom. One of them is a special lady who sent me this poem written by Charlie Chaplin on his 70th birthday. In this phase that I currently find myself in, I recognise so much of this poem that I just had to share it with you.
”As I Began To Love Myself” – Charlie Chaplin
As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.
As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE!
Love yourself!
Nadira
Full photo diary including all ready to shop outfit details below:
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Photography by Jesse Verboog.
I Had No Choice…
…but to boss up and take control.
The other day I was watching one of my favorite tv shows Suits. Apart from the tremendously sexy Harvey Specter, I learn a lot about life from this show, which is why I would recommend everyone watching it.
In one of the episodes from some seasons back, Harvey asked Mike: ”What are your choices when someone puts a gun to your head?”. Mike answered: ”You do what they say or they shoot you?”, where Harvey replied: ”Wrong. You take the gun. Or pull out a bigger one. Or, you call their bluff. Or, you do any one of a hundred and forty six other things. If you can’t think for yourself, maybe you’re not cut out for this”.
If you take this dialogue and apply it to life in general, there is so much you can learn. We’ve all been in situations where we feel like we have no choice. Like we have a gun to our head and no other options. Truth is, we always have a choice. We have so much power, if you consider that by even only choosing to look at the glass half full instead of empty, it changes the situation (the power of choosing to think differently, already changes perspective). But also, there is always a way to make happen what you want to happen, even if it’s a long path.
I’m not ready to tell you guys what I’ve been dealing with, but I’ve been fighting my own battles. One of the things I’ve encountered is that wherever life takes you, know that you are so much stronger than you think. You have the ability to, in ANY situation, choose to boss up, to choose to keep fighting, to find ways to make happen whatever it is you want to make happen. There is always a way, so think outside the box and don’t let any ”gun” intimidate you into a corner where you’re convinced there are no other options or into doing something you don’t want to.
Love,
Nadira
Wearing: Dress & Bag from SheIn. Photo diary including all direct shopping links below:
Shop my look: (Click on pictures to go to shop)
Photography by: Jesse Verboog.
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
Sorry, Not Sorry
Have you ever noticed how frequently you use the word sorry? I might secretly be a bit of a perfectionist but do I therefore need to apologize for every little messy detail in my life? I think it’s surely a point to reconsider and to question yourself, ‘am I proclaiming to be an alter ego of how people want to see me?’. Social pressures are taking the lead when it comes to people’s needlessness feeling like they need to apologize for their triumphs.
It’s like we feel obligated to say sorry because we feel like we have to. Out of politeness, respect to others and so on. We should never have to apologize for being normal human beings. Here are 5 things you should no longer apologize for:
1. Being Successful
We tend me be humble when it comes to this matter but I think we can all relate to our ambition, commitment and overwork hours at work. Being successful can intimidate others but hey, believe me when I say that it’s a fabulous thing and no need to say sorry to please anyone or for the benefit of the insecure people around you.
2. Showing our emotions.
It sounds legit yet many of us apologize for how we feel or what we think. However, we should embrace that we have the power to show how we feel and wear our hearts on our sleeves. Never apologize for being vulnerable and telling people what your heart is actually feeling.
3. Our pasts.
Things have happened and mistakes have been made but it doesn’t mean that they define us. All too often, we find ourselves apologizing for the past. It has actually helped us becoming who we are today, we fell – we came back stronger and yes, with a deeper understanding of life – the scars have taught us what we exactly want.
4. Being authentic.
Society has us where it wants us. Media exposures holds an image of how the ‘perfect’ woman (or man) should be – it’s like the unwritten standard we all think we should persist. Truth is, life is too complicated to not be yourself, you need to express yourself and embrace your uniqueness – it is your quality and definitely not something you should apologize for.
5. Always putting ourselves first.
As cliché as it may sound, love starts with yourself – it’s the most important and long-lasting relationship you will ever have. The moment you choose to put someone else before you is the moment you are putting yourself second. Follow your ambitions and love your friends and family, the rest will follow but never apologize for making your own decisions.
Sorry, not sorry…
Love,
Nadira
Keep scrolling! Photo diary continues below including all outfit details. If you click on the product pictures below, you can shop the outfit immediately. Dress & Bag: SheIn. Sandals: Missguided.
Wearing:
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
Lemonade
What Beyoncé has recently taught me…
Her newly released Lemonade has inspired a spiral of thoughts that lead to this blog, which are interesting from both a marketing and a personal growth perspective.
While everyone is obsessing about ”Becky with the good hair”, all I see is the brilliance of it. While Beyoncé lashes out at Jay-Z, suggesting adultery, and the entire album basically revolves around her heartbreak, it has the entire world speculating. Yet, what most people tend to forget is that the album Lemonade is released exclusively through Tidal, which is a streaming service company co-owned by both Beyoncé and Jay-Z (among others), making it one of the smartest money making endeavours and everyone is falling for it. It just makes Beyoncé and Jay-Z brilliant entrepreneurs and it’s something we can all learn from.
You see, Beyoncé with her A-star status is perceived by many as ideal. The idea that she has to deal with the same things that many of us have to deal with such as infidelity, heartbreak, insecurities etc. provides many with a certain degree of comfort. ”If Beyoncé can be cheated on, well then maybe it’s not the case that I’m not good enough” could be a thought of some lady who’s been cheated on. By making the album personal, it adds so much value to it, making it more than just a few new Beyoncé songs. Tidal described the Lemonade concept as ”every woman’s journey of self-knowledge and healing”. So what can we conclude from this?
What I’ve learned from it, is the following:
1. From a marketing perspective: Product/Brand Experience determines your product’s value. The entire Lemonade concept is a confirmation of the fact that creating an experience around your product or brand enhances the perception of the value of it, because people are able to relate on a certain level. In this case, even if the rumours and insinuations are true, Jay-z and Beyoncé are still the ones laughing hardest (together) as all they have been hearing is (even more)”Cha Ching, Cha Ching” since April 23.
2. From a personal growth perspective: The grass is never greener on the other side.
We can learn from Beyoncé’s honesty (assuming her story is true and her heartbreak is genuine), that we all have our issues to deal with. Whether it’s money problems, heartbreak, or something else, nobody is exempted from it. The grass is not greener on the other side, although we might often think so. Especially nowadays with social media, where people tend to share (only) the better things in their lives, it seems as everyone’s grass might be greener. But clearly even Queen B has her issues and no perfect life.
3. From a personal growth & marketing perspective: Make that Lemonade!
When life hands you lemons…you buy some sugar and you make €€€ selling lemonade. Transform your heartbreak, pain, struggle, issues into something positive, that you can use for yourself to grow, personally, and if possible even financially. You have the power to take control. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% how you choose to react to it. You can choose to make that lemonade, instead of crying over the lemons your where handed.
So pull a Sasha Fierce and turn your pain into a better you, a better world and even €€€!
Mantra for the week:
”Storms are always temporary. With every difficulty I come out polished, stronger and prepped for blessing beyond my wildest dreams”.
Love,
Nadira
P.S:….
*…All above is based on the assumption that there is at least some truth and sincerity in Lemonade the concept.*
Outfit details: Croptop by Wulterkens. Jeans by Nastygal.
Metallic Tattoos by Chique Tattoos.
Photography by Surej Tul.
Special Thank you to Jacana Amazon Welness Resort for their hospitality!
While I had the feeling I was in the middle of a tropical heaven, Jacana is actually 10 minutes driving from my home in Paramaribo city. If you want to surround yourself with exotic nature in combination with a luxury treatment and experience that zen feeling, while still close to the city, Jacana Resort is definitely the place to be!
You can book your stay at Jacana HERE.
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
When Things Don’t Go Your Way
For quite a while I’ve been struggling. Some of you who know me a little bit by now know that I am someone who wants a lot of things, and usually it’s all at the same time. I aspire to do/achieve a lot, which leads to disappointment when things for whatever reason don’t go as planned in my head.
I think we’ve all been there, it can be something such as not getting to where you want to be in a certain amount of time that you’ve planned, or investing a lot into a project that fails. This, depending on how important it is in your life, can really keep you up at night. Many of us, especially those who are dedicated or emotionally involved tend to hang on and persevere, in the hope/belief that it is what’s good for them, and they have to have it no matter what it takes or how long. While I’m all for perseverance, and never giving up…there is a point where you have to take a step back, and evaluate your situation.
While doing so myself…suddenly, it hit me…and man-oh-man am I grateful for the extent of which my eyes have opened for certain things not going my way. I believe everything happens for a reason, and after evaluating several similar situations in my life where I felt that I had to have something, which eventually didn’t go my way…I found that I was better off each and every time.
There is that saying ‘’when one door closes, another one opens’’, and I found it to be very true. Recently, I found myself saying to my partner about a project that fell through that we were bummed about, that ”if it weren’t for that, we wouldn’t be able to take on another one”, which ended up being much more lucrative. While this is in business, I strongly believe the same goes for everything else in life. When you let go of what you ‘’think’’ you want, that is the moment you allow what you truly deserve to enter into your life.
Focus on what happiness, love, and peace feels like, but don’t focus too hard on trying to work out how exactly you will get there. Sometimes we can become so blinded by what is in front of us that it prevents us from seeing what can become FOR us.
There is much more for you to see, experience, and learn. Who you feel you need to be with may not be best for you. The job you feel you just have to have, may not give you that joy and security that you truly want.
Do you want to have a life that is full of joy and peace, or do you want to encounter a string of events that completely turns out the way you wish? Sometimes they go hand in hand, but other times you must sacrifice one for another.
A close friend of mine recently told me: ‘’Don’t be afraid to let go because of the fear that you will never experience something so special again’’. Because one way or the other you will, it just might come in a different shape than you expect.
There is a difference between visualizing your ideal reality and visualizing your heart’s’ desire. In an ideal reality you may marry that celebrity crush but feel unloved. Move into that great big house, yet feel empty. Our acquisitions feed off visualization and focus, our spiritual growth, however, feeds on positive emotion.
What are you still holding onto today that you feel you cannot live without or let go? Life is constantly changing, we are constantly changing, so sometimes it’s better to let go and embrace new possibilities and opportunities. Do not forget that all that you need is within you…and while I type this, it’s a big note to myself, because I honestly tend to forget that sometimes.
When a door closes knock on it a few times. But if it still doesn’t open, let it stay close. In career, in love, in life. When you see the period at the end of the sentence, don’t try to turn it into a comma. Know when something is over, and move on to whatever better is waiting.
Love,
Nadira
Outfitdetails: Dress, Coat & Shoes: Missguided. Lipcolor: Candy K by Kyliecosmetics.
- Published in Self-Discovery & Growth, Written Archives 2013-2018
The Illusion Of Comfort
We all love comfort and we often associate having certain degree of comfort with happiness. Wealth provides us with comfort, which is one of the reasons why we strive for wealth. We think if we’re wealthy, we get more comfort, and we will become happier. This way of thinking results in us working our asses off for a comfortable life, whether it is for ourselves or for our loved ones.
But the thing is…Comfort is actually an illusion. An illusion that too many of us become slaves of, because it’s so easy to get sucked into.
Don’t lose yourself in the illusion of Comfort.
Many don’t know this, but at one point in my life, in the very beginning of starting with our businesses, I was extremely broke. We never worked with any investors and banks were very anxious at that time to give out loans to startups. At that time I was still a Bachelor student. Apart from some financial aid from my dad, we invested everything we earned (which wasn’t that much yet) into our new brand, which at the time wasn’t generating much income yet. It was a vicious circle. As you might know, brand awareness takes a load of time, I’m talking decades, not a year or two.
I found myself facing a harsh truth of life: Struggle to pay the rent and bills. I’ve never had to struggle like that before, because I was lucky to have my parents who always supported me financially all the way through college.
I had two options:
1. I could borrow more money from my parents.
2. I could give this struggling life a go.
I felt like the first wasn’t really an option, as it was my choice to start a business and not go for a 9-5 job at some multinational. Also, I felt, I was an adult, and it just felt wrong to keep running to my daddy for money, so there was a lot of ego and pride involved too.
So, I decided to give the struggling life a go, because I wanted to see if I could really survive. My dad started his consulting company from scratch too, so I should be able to do so as well.
It was tough…I mean reaaally tough for quite a while. I wouldn’t call myself spoiled, but I come from a good family and always got everything I needed, and almost everything I wanted. So it was a real lifestyle shift for me. However, I am very grateful for this period in my life, because I’ve learned and grown so much from it. I’ve gotten more tough, my mind got stronger. When you know you are capable of living uncomfortably, there isn’t much you’re afraid of anymore. I realised that fear of failure is actually the fear of having to live an uncomfortable life, but I survived…and I was fine. I know now that, no matter what happens in life, I will find a way to survive. I can easily adapt to changing circumstances.
Apart from learning great financial management skills, I realized how many things we tend to buy that we actually don’t need. I was used to buying new clothes every month (maybe even every week!), so many accessories, and all those little things that we splurge on and we don’t need. All the food we buy that goes bad, because we buy too much. You have to become inventive, creative to make the most out of what you have. The constant realization that every euro you spend now, you won’t have to spend tomorrow, so it has to be spent wisely. While it is not a way of living that I would like to maintain, as it is quite extreme, it has taught me so much. I’ve decided to maintain this new mentality and it still serves me well, because no matter how much you earn, it doesn’t hurt to be conscious.
The new mentality – habit of living with less – basically refers to no unnecessary shopping (Ask yourself, do I really need this? And be honest!), eating in (cooking), staying in (entertain yourself at home).
One of the results of employing this mentality is something I am extremely grateful for, which is looking for happiness from within, rather from external sources.
It’s the realization that, buying that ’’new dress that you don’t really need, but it’s soo cute and it will look great on instagram’’, is fun, but not real happiness.
During the struggle period I had to find ‘’free things’’ to do, things that I could enjoy without having to spend any cent. Apart from working a lot, I started reading more, writing more, streaming television series, enjoying nature, working out. All things that costs relatively little to no money, but are actually really good for you. Being in my early twenties, with all my friends still going out partying and splurging, it was tough. But as a result, I became happier from within, and it wasn’t based on external factors. I found out, that I didn’t need a lot of comfort to make me happy.
Sometimes the uncomfortable things in life are there to teach us lessons because to go through a change of habit, we need to feel uncomfortable. – Mo Seetubtim
Give it a try if you can. Learn to live with less. Become comfortable with living uncomfortably. Then you’ll realize that there’s more to life than finding comfort. Because after all, comfort is just an illusion.
Love,
Nadira
P.S. I bet you guys didn’t know I could walk on water…;-). Pictures taken at Babunhol Resort in my home country Suriname by Surej Tul.
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